Golden orb of earthly fate
With wishful mists swinging by
Suns rays cleansing through
let the promises never die
golden orb so sweet to touch
don't burn such delicate feet
relieve me of vicious chains
let pale skin and earth meet
Wishful mists lingering by
haunting fires of cruel fantasies
the heat of these burning coals
is a devil which claws at ecstasies
Suns rays blinding eyes
like free spirits taunting hell
angels and demons in one orb
hiding stories we wish it to tell
let promises stay true and strong
let truth soothe this wavering heart
let the chains break their persistent hold
before we tear ourselves apart
Author notes
the picture for this poem comes from a contest ... this is the link for it: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2362289
ShockinG-PinK
♠
A contest entry
- Abstract Poetry #24 --The Orb Of Fate-- by The Cube.
1000 points, ended August 21, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Your Favorite Prewrite" by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. by Andii.
600 points, ended September 15, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Slain Dreamer by Ayla YellowRose.
1600 points, ended September 20, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Full of good figurative languages. Like the flow and the narration done
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN
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thank u virgoan
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great peice and good luck in the contest.
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thank u fer the comment ... i added it by mistake tho. lol sorry! ... it was nuthin ur contest had asked for!
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Awesome
I really like this - fantastic writing, paints the cene vividly with some excellent imagery - the only thing i after ouble checking I cannot include this in the contest as it is more than 16 lines long - sorry but it will have to be DQ'd Shame as its a lovely piece of writing
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thanx all the same
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wow this was realy a great poem
amazing is the right words for this beauty
great job
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thank u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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For such an amazing writer at 19 I am just a bit put off by your use of textspeak in your notes - a personal thought. On a grammatical note (you asked for help) I guess you have a typo in verse four - "Suns" should read "Sun's" Thanks so much for the read.
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haha thank u. i'm very greatful you took the time to read through! i will change the text speak. i must say that you've praised me very highly thank you.
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I like it it is interesting.
My first impression is that this is an unusual poem in that to me it contains such a feeling of earths ever changing realities. Emoyionally I feel drawn into a depth po feelings that are hard to discribe. It wasn't awkward in the least. I would not change anything about it. My favorite part is the last verse. My least favorite is the third verse. The title is OK. The first line works with the title. The last line sums the poem up very well. I found that I liked it quite well.
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wow. thank you so much for reading it so thoroughly! wow. thanx
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Well it is not exactly what I like to read but I thought it was OK. This is one that I had to read at least twice.
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Goood
Ah, freedom and respect, trust and confidence, I like it; if more people had more of it we could take it easy, and let the snakes roam free with no probs. (LOL)
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thanx fer takin the tym to comment. lol i'm sorry it dint do it fer u
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thanx for ur comment
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A rondeu? This is a very good poem. I liked the rhymes and a sort of prayer/hymn like atmosphere. The repitition of lines makes it sort of hypnotizing. Loved it!
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oh is dat wat its called! ive learnt sumthin new today lol,.thank u!!!!! wow. i'm glad u liked it!
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I don't really know what it's called. I've read another poem like yours, with the same pattern of repititions and rhymes, and rondieu just came to mind. I'm not sure, though.
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Beautifully expressed.
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thankees!
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it's great =)
i love the last stanza best tho
good to see your stuff again
=)
SeeJ
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lol. thanks
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awww this is soooo good! Im sure youll do great in the contest!!! Im glad your putting poetry up again I really enjoy reading your work!
-Steve- -
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thanx sweets
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