She stood
arms stretched out
always reaching for the
unreachable
always swaying to the unseen.
The breeze; it blew quietly
through her leaves
as she bathed in the soothing sunlight,
and dreamed of the crisp, blue sky.
Author notes
A friend said "write about a tree," so I did.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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really nice. very vivid and alive. I could feel into this one. Nice work, keep it going
Creatress
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omg...
i like to keep up with the featured stuff so i was like, ok.. lets try this one. that is beautiful... i didnt see it was about a tree until the leaves part... i thought you did great. I thought it was about a little girl at first... it is beautiful...
"and dreamed of the crisp, blue sky."
dreaming of the unreachable.... bravo!
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I really liked this piece. HOwever I think that your ending could have been stronger. You began this poem very nicely and ended it kind of weak. But good write all the same.
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You begin with several solid images--arms, breeze, sky. But they seem to get lost in language, in words that don't move ther poem forward. Part of the difficulty might be the title; it doesn't really introduce the poem, nor is it gripping enough to draw readers in--and then the word repeats twice in the first stanza.
If you take the first two lines and pare away at them, you might get something like: "She stretched...." Those two words include "out" (since one can't stretch in), "reached" (since that is implicit in stretching).
Then the last two lines might compress to something like simply "swaying to the unseen." Five words contain the essence of five lines. Trust your images--let them work for you instead of explaining them. Trust your rhythms.
There is a strong poem in here, but it needs to be released. -
I have to say that this poem is beautiful, the whole depiction within your words are almost like silk. Very nice.
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