Staring at the foggy glass
and grimace slightly as I pass
the young die too quickly, and the old are left to linger
as I wipe the glass with my outstretched finger.
Peering at the perplexed eyes, that are my own
wondering how much I have grown
oh the vanity, I must finish my task
and forget the questions I would like to ask.
The maze in my mind grows far and wide
beyond capacity, I have been hidden or did I hide
deliberately or not, I found something within
that maze of memories of unwoven tape is ready to begin.
That child on the rocking horse there in the garden
and a boy that I knew who later graduated from College Arden.
his smile seems far older than mine now,
as the memory fades and crackles
my mind in the dark, chained in shackles
Past a dummy, wearing wedding gowns for no reason
I remember my mum parading it, in the hot summer season
looking around a dusty frame with the same smart boy
holding her arm on the day, clutching his toy
I remember his face when he married in a field of corn
I was their when his children were noisily born
what a gift to have them, but the tree musketeers became two
when the boy sadly left,
And then you.
Author notes
option 3
This is a personal experience.
I was recently in my step brother attic and was clearing out a few things. and I walked past our rocking horse that we played with in the garden when we were young.
and the photos of his graduation.
then mum re made her marriage vows so that we could see mum and dad get married becasuse they got married before we were both born.
then eventually he marries and soon after has two boys one after the other. 4 years later the boy was snatched away by two men we have never caught and we found him murdered a month later.
this drove my brother Martin to stop eating and he died of a broken heart.
This is my mind swiming over the good times and the bad times while cleaning out his attic.
hope you enjoy.
written especially for this contest.
A contest entry
- The Second Battle of the Poets Contest! by Previn.
540 points, ended September 6, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This certainly plucks the heart strings quite well.
You've been through painful experiences and write about them well, weaving good rhyme into it also.
You have my sympathy on the personal front.
Thanks for entering.
Kind regards
Previn -
Great tale you told here. Most of the rhyme is done quite admirably, in the first stanza the last two lines stretch a bit to make it work, but they do. Your language was eloquent and very well employed, I presume 'mum' is just the british version of mom, the narritive in the first stanza was amazing, I saw you looking into the glass, I enjoyed the syntax inversion, and aside from the first stanza your rhyme worked merely perfectly. Great piece, I'm very glad I came back to read it.
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nice is not strong enough
you might have been told his before but there are a couple of spelling mistakes but otherwise it is beautifully written. I am very sorry for your loss, eventhough I know it cannot change a thing. You take your reader on a wonderful journey through the past. Some very clever ideas and images.
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Oh my god, this was so powerful. It might be the best poem I've ever read. I am so sorry that you and your family experienced this tragedy, that's terrible. I hope you win the cnotest.
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So sad
Yes indeed you have written joys and heartbreaks all rolled up into a life well remembered and yes so sad that the little one is gone .
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