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Among The Ruins

Missing image
 

Soft was her skin and
Luscious her body
Before the indulgence of
His ego

Quick on her feet with visions
Of  forever dancing in her head
Giving all that she could and more
Losing herself in his world of
Lustfulness and greed

Believing the songs that he sang
With a voice that enhanced her
Living in  the fantasy
she lost her reality

The music of love now soured
By the bitter taste of tears
She waits in a sanctuary of despair
With each day she becomes
Hardened by loss and loneliness
Fighting to stay alive
Finally succumbing  to a shattered existence
Among the ruins





In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • PhoenixFox silver member
    August 13, 2007

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    Thank you for entering the contest

    I very much like the title of this piece. I think titles are important and this one caught my eye and my interest straight away. However, I think you tried a little too hard on the presentation. The background is fussy and the large italicized font makes for distraction and difficult reading. I don’t really think this piece needs it. My other gripe is the use of capitals at the beginning of each line.
    Though you try to be terribly poetic in places, I find you trying a little too hard overall.

    But saying all that, the poem does capture the essence of the image, and after all, that is what was required in this contest. Thank you again for sharing this.

    Good luck and best wishes
    ~ fox
  • Yvette Champ
    August 11, 2007

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    Living in the fantasy she lost her reality,oh my this poem paints the portrayal of pain of abuse and the weight of ache and the devastation it brings forth


  • Blue Rew silver member
    August 6, 2007

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    This is strong use of metaphor and brings the image to light in an emotional and real life way.
    Much enjoyed this read and the way her thoughts are portrayed here after the delusions have crumbled away.


  • Swan song gold member
    August 4, 2007

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    Now this is a poem. In the third stanza the last two lines rhyme and this helps keep the poem together,
    She waits in the sanctuary of despair. This is excellent. Yopu show enough cards here to get your image and idea across but you keep enough down to
    intrigue the reader and let them make their own judgement.


  • Lonewolf2008 gold member
    August 3, 2007

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    sweet write

    Lost love among the ruins. such depth here and flowing of feelings. many do become lost among the ruins, playthings for ones with ego, to be used as property and discarded as waste material.


  • Whoochi gold member
    July 31, 2007

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    BB! WOnderful words to go with the pic..I would have never thought of ruins..but now when I hear that word..well I will think of these tragic, magnificent, bittersweet words..best of luck!


  • PoetsAngel
    July 31, 2007

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    I am speechless (which doesn't happen often) You have taken a hard cold stone wall and breathed life into it...If could feel the sadness within the words, well done my friend
    Cathy
    ♥♥♥

  • x-Black-Butterfly-x silver member
    July 31, 2007

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    wow this was so powerful and provoking. it was full of emotion and made the picture come alive and gave it a voice. a wonderful write indeed well done and best of luck


  • Knight70
    July 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    You brought such vitality and emotion to the image.

1 - 9 of 9