Ridicule me not for pining our dead flower,
Blacked, wilted against the greyness,
Of a love since grown cold as the coldest stone.
I have thought long on what we had shared,
The beauty and the joy of togetherness.
It is feeling that I could only hope to feel again,
In this cruel mile-a-minute world of,
Study, work and of most greedy deadlines.
How could one such as I hope to once again,
Find that which we shared in those few short minutes.
I supported you through good and bad,
And your problems were my problems too.
What I earned through the labour of my body
Was yours, you need just have asked for it.
Yet your proud and oft times egocentric ways,
Would not allow you accept my boon to you.
For this I cannot fault you per se.
However those gifts that you did accept came,
Not alone but with my greatest love.
Now, everything has been brought to an end,
Whether for the best or otherwise.
I willingly shoulder my portion of the blame,
While you, wrapped in your self-righteous cocoon,
Remain forever and always, faultless.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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awwwwww this one was sooooo emotional..I agree about the other comments with being so well done at the end awwwwws
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A beautiful heart felt write. I love the last stanza. It really seems to sum it up so well. It's true in so many cases, sadly. Loved it. Keep writing.
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I love how it all builds up and explodes in the last two lines...which happen to be my FAVORITE!! It is sad how true this can be for many break ups! I too have a 'faultless' ex. Amazingly powerful write!
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very well written, perfect ending
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A heartfelt depiction. Well written
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very nice
very grown-up sentiments and grown-up way of dealing with them. good luck
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this is soo soo well-written.. one of the best poems here on AP.. i cant tell u how much i like this! take care
love and cheers, shuvi
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so poeticly honest and beautiful
So poetically honest and beautiful.
ThankGod you didn't marry this girl !
The stanza, wrapped in your self-righteous cocoon...
powerful stanza, combined with the "neediness" of
what she required from you, perhaps you should send
her a t-shirt to wear, "Rescue Me Please"
if it comforts you at all...it's kind of a phase we
women struggle through a step towards core
maturity,that we all go through...she taught you that,
I hope your next poem is about Why you gave so much,
when so little was being given back, you've got the
depth to do it too.
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Of a love since grown cold as the coldest stone.
Such passion and art. This is a mesmerising peice. so many visions and images in my head right now
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Sounds sooo familiar!
So familiar, it hurts...
Well said, the beginning is beautiful.
"would not allow you accept my boon to you", awkward
"what I earned through the labour of my body", awkward
some lines are too long, some rhyme some don't, a sonnet would have sounded better, written in one piece one could see the rhyming lines better, they would not be separated. The end word of each line does not need to rhyme but should sound melodious, soft, pleasing to the ear. (my humble opinion)
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I like it and I thing that a lot of people do the same for others
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absolutely great. justt wonderful
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