Walking As Though Dead

Despite any attempts to change
The therapy of feeling and emotion
Bringing myself into other's lives
Embracing the life of a normal soul
Recognizing once more this I am not
I am not normal and I never was
My eyes retain no spark when I stare
this mirror reflects only that I exist
My soul is in hiding, my heart reticent
I walk through my life without care
Unhindered by the burdens of concern
Having formed this shield of my wings
Nothing save the core of who I am remains

I reach out a hand to touch my reflection
The look on my face is deadened and empty
Alas, I am not sad, nor am I happy with it
I do not feel anything at all save serenity
Part of me remembers days like this long ago
Years have passed since I last walked as this
And yet, I wonder inside whether it matters
Is it worth remembering those days between
When as I am now, I have no use for a heart
Even as I feel nothing at all, others worry
The nature of my being leads me to encourage
Offering Hope and peace to those in sorrow
But I am confronted with an ordeal of grief

How can I help those that feel this pain
When the source of their worries is me?

Should I even care that others feel so for me?
The nagging in my chest refuses to let me forget
No matter what I say, something remains buried
Beneath the wall of my wings so tightly closed
My soul awaits, aware of the world around me
Must I leave this sanctuary that I have formed
And even as I say those words, a sanctuary
I must question whether to have removed myself
Is really such a place of peace at all