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Insanity's Perfection

 

 

Forsaken in this mortal defeat,
My failure sings his song again.
Losing my patience with every move
My balance is what I can't maintain

The pressure provoked all the limits
[ All those lines were drawn by me ]
Confines of my mind in its place
For fear of crossing the boundary

Yet strings break loose from time to time
Exposing carefully fastened seams
Ripping the hopes that are within
While des.troy.ing all of my dreams

Insanity escapes jail of mind
My soul breaks down at its progress
Shut down the system of my heart
As reason is fully digressed

The mania of my sense uncaps
Hysteria controls my every turn
The end of classtime for this life
Since there is nothing left to learn

The voices mocked my own reflection
Perfecting depths of misery
Tossing my fists in self-defense
Breaking the mirror as it laughs at me

The shattered peices laid on the ground
Each one insulting what I've become
As a range of emotions swept over
At times restless - and - at times numb

Struggling to catch hold of breath
I always tried to get away
As usual I always gave in
'Cause attempts won't help me anyway

Pretense overcame my expression
[ Imagine how many times I've lied ]
But you couldn't hold me at wrong
'Cause if one thing - it's that I tried






Life itself was an

a.t.t.e.m.p.t

anyway.


 

Author notes

Never Fall in Love
Phrase used: Breaking the mirror as it laughs at me.

Read each line in this poem, each one has a deeper meaning.

In a list

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 37 of 37

  • Insane-Joe
    November 20, 2008

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    wow!

    I can't even put it into words what I like about your poem...i am overwhelmed with awe...I wish you best of luck in my contest!


  • DemonicChanel420
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazing poem, it is beautifully written. I love the wording and the imagery. The rhyme and flow are good. Best wishes and good luck in the contest!!!


  • Ravenblood
    October 14, 2008

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    Wow, For some reason I had this poem placed on bookmark, (which explains why it took me this long to look at it).

    It's a brilliant poem and poetically perfect. I loved how you used touches of Dirty Pretty but you didn't overuse it, made it interesting to read without making it look like it was illegible.

    "Pretense overcame my expression
    [ Imagine how many times I've lied ]
    But you couldn't hold me at wrong
    'Cause if one thing - it's that I tried"

    Keep up the good work,

    Claire-Anne


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    May 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written, so heartbreaking though in many ways as I feel it's just a give up notice, if that makes sense. Each word has meaning though in a divine way as I often find myself feeling this way too. Very powerful and passionate . Well written.

  • DarkRomantic113
    April 14, 2008
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    Life isn't a practice run; start living. :-p


  • The Squeeze
    February 19, 2008

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    oh my you seem to have edited this poem during the judging part of this contest, thats a huge no no .

    As for your poem, although I enjoyed its context, its tale, its degradation of the being very much, I felt on a n overall level, it to be a little more mundane then what i was looking for; note that i say this with a slight grimace on my face due to the number of kudos you have already received.

    Yet it feels like, a love poem to me, about a love lost and how it has driven you downwards towards madness. Aptly put, well spoken, and achingly painstaking.

    Bravo !

    A.S.


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    January 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very Nice Poem Thanks you for entering this piece into my contest I wish you the best of luck



    RedwingSpirit
    congratulations on the Gold trophy


  • artis
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    one would have to be perfectly insane not to feel empathy at the path this poem took,

    an excellent portrayal of love's pain rendered to one while the other remains untouched to some extent. and the seven years of bad luck held no claim on this work. thanks for your entry~~~Artis


  • imagine732
    October 19, 2007
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    oo
    this is really good...i love the rhyme flow


  • Nam
    October 16, 2007

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    "Insanity escapes jail of mind
    My soul breaks down at its progress
    Shut down the system of my heart
    As reason is fully digressed"

    The entirety of this verse seems to be a bit shaky compared to the verses above it. The ones above it are fluid in the read (even with lack of punctuation) where as this, seems quite broken up. Though that would go
    great with the storyline of the poem itself, I do not feel that's the intention, and do feel that you could rework on it to make it more fluid. The lines in particular I had a problem with were the first, third, and fourth. The second seems fine as it is.

    The same with the above verse, I felt with this line, as well:

    "But you couldn't hold me at wrong"

    Also, though your rhyming isn't too bad, it does seem a tad shaky at times when you close the verse, and go on to the next one. Perhaps do a read-through
    and see if you can read what I'm reading, in such regard.

    The very end, with the _____ words _____ wasn't really needed. That seemed unnecessary, to me.

    A good poem that you have written here.


  • Naridill
    September 25, 2007

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    Awesome ending, I feel the end itself would have blown me away, nicely done!!

    Much luck

  • Frodofan
    September 19, 2007
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    Thanks!

    Good job. And congrats on the gold trophy. You have a good rhythm throughout!


  • Namita
    September 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you much for entering my contest Good luck to you with this entry,

    Candy~


  • Walking shadow
    August 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Hood-wink!!!

    Very good for a dark write. I can feel the deep pain in this piece. You use great detail to explain the trapped feeling we all get when we feel like we are getting nowhere in life.
    I felt these strong feelings myself.

    Walking Shadow


  • tawk gold member
    August 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Hood-Wink!

    What a wonderful deep and dark write. I could feel all your emotions throughout. Excellent flow and rhythm.

    You have just been Hood-Winked courtesy of the Poetic Bandits

  • Frodofan
    August 10, 2007

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    Hood-wink

    Another good one. I'm surprised I never found you before!

    Again, I don't care for the text effects (and brackets are actually supposed to be used show something that's been omitted), but the poem is very good. And your rhyming is very enjoyable!

    Welcome to my favorites list.


    • Never Fall in Love
      August 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Could you guess my mood at the time of writing this?

      You have commented on one of my works before .. which is why I've kept in mind the part about brackets ... I switched them a bit about being omitted and tried it to show sarcastic thoughts going through my head.

      lol, you may tell me if I'm not making much sense
      Thank you


  • trista gold member
    August 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I sort of feel like I've stepped into a dark version Peter Pan's "Neverland" while reading this...I think because it speaks to me so loudly of the struggles of getting older and feeling like there's nothing left ahead of you...and that everything you've done and tried has been in vain. Mistakes, regret, pain, frustration, anger...this really has it all. Just my take on it, anyway. Or...part of my take, anyway.

    This reads much slower than most poems of this style. You've used the longer syllable words and punctuation well in that regard. The rhyming is fantastic - well, you know yours always is!

    These lines have awesome imagery:
    "Yet strings break loose from time to time
    Exposing carefully fastened seams"

    and

    "Insanity escapes jail of mind"

    You've done a wonderful job with this poem in every way. Definitely one to add to my favorites list! I hope you do well in the contest with it.

    Love and s
    ~J.
    P.S. Line 7 shouldn't "it's" be "its" ? Picky, picky me, I know.


    • Never Fall in Love
      August 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      If struggles of getting older is what you get from this - you're probably right since that's what I'm feeling these days. I just fail to understand how you grasped it

      I always love getting comments from you - and for some strange reason, when I was putting this up, I really wanted you to go through this one because I thought you might like it

      Thank you

      by the way, yea, lol, it's its.

  • MxA
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very deep poem written here certainly a great amount of emotions expressed, you did a great job with this, thanks for sharing and best of fortune in the contest


    MxA


  • Lilypad
    August 7, 2007

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    Wonderful

    Often I am bored by poems of this style, but this one captured my attention the whole way through. I love the last three lines. This is amazing. Would applaud but don't want to use points. (I know I'm being selfish.)


  • Lady Disdain
    August 3, 2007

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    VER VERY VERY GOOD! Wow . . . I really liked that, perfect! Exactaly what i was looking for!` Great Job!


  • RudeGirlxSkaKid
    August 1, 2007
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    nice work, very intense write.
    you expressed a lot of emotions.


  • fallinxalone
    August 1, 2007
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    what a fannntastiiiic poem.absolutely loved it!!!


  • strangelittlegirl
    August 1, 2007

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    awesome

    That was amazing.

    The voices mocked through Sometimes numb was my favorite part.

    Whats with the des.troy.ing thing though?

    That is all


  • iamlost gold member
    August 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I first clicked on this because of the very intriguing title which, true to itself, delivered a VERY intriguing poem! I agree completely that each line has a deeper meaning, and as I read it again I found many wonderfully dark images and ideas in the words. This reads as a dark, beautiful look at the mind and insanity, truly a wonder to read. I couldn't pick a line that would be my favorite, because each one builds up to create this strong poem, while standing out on their own to be amazing. Truly a wonderful poem!


  • Wind Walker
    August 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Digitally remastered

    The end of classtime for this life
    Since there is nothing left to learn
    Been there - spent the summer in remedial
    still nothing left to learn
    Wonderful words & rhyme
    Good luck in the contest -
    B D


  • KnightOfTheRose gold member
    July 31, 2007

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    wow this piece was so strong! I really enjoyed it! especially "While des.troy.ing all of my dreams" the way you broke up the word destroying gave it much more power. then the ending "Life itself was an

    a.t.t.e.m.p.t

    anyway." so good! good luck in the contest and again excellent work!


    -Steve-


  • kooleyes
    July 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your words keep amazing me. your ryhme and flow is out of this world.
    Life itself was an

    a.t.t.e.m.p.t

    anyway.
    This ending is by far the best. Thanks for another terriffic read and keep on writing. Hopefully oneday there will be a book with your name on it. I beleave that your writing is worth it. I put you in a list with E.A.Poe


  • Griswold silver member
    July 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done, a swiftly a smoothly flowing poem from start to finish. Best of luck to you in the contest...Scott

  • OurxBeginning
    July 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is one of your best pieces yet. So deep and full of meaning. Flawless rhyming as usual. Never stop writing, I always look forward to your works. Keep it up and good luck.

1 - 37 of 37