The picture and flowers just didn't do justice
To the way we were feeling when the night finally came down
We were looking for heaven in teardrop now fallen
Where our ghosts and our fears resided inside
And a funeral of silence as we courted the bride.
The streets look so empty at night in the rain
To some it is heaven but to me water down the drain
You can carry your moments in a old shopping trolley
Maybe sleep with your head on a pillow again.
Still these ghosts and these fears rise up to meet me
Some still reminders of how we went wrong
Living alone with these painful reflections
Listening to tunes we used to sing along.
In this painful paradise where the angels are shadows
No-one remembers the days when we shone
Now the darkness reveals all the funeral arrangements
In a world filled with sorrow and no Avalons.
The picture and flowers just didn't do justice
To way we were feeling when the night finally came down
We were looking for heaven in teardrop now fallen
Where our ghosts and our fears resided inside
And a funeral of silence as we courted the bride.
A contest entry
- Wow me before Midnight #2 by amaranthine lover.
300 points, ended July 31, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Take time to move me; by bonjourbunnie.
425 points, ended October 6, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - pre-writes - come one, come all - by ellipsist.
875 points, ended July 25, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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"To way we were feeling when the night finally came down"
is there a "the" missing from the above line? should the night just come and not come down? isn't a bride courted prior to becoming a bride...
I think I've missed the point to this one... No... No... No need to apologize... it's not you, it's me... -
"Now the darkness reveals all the funeral arrangements
In a world filled with sorrow and no Avalons."
Sorrow drips from every word in this poem, but it also tastes of confusion and a need for justification. I enjoyed it emensely. :] Good luck -
has a nice rhythm and its really well written
thanks for entering and keep on writing
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