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Even when she cries, 

in her sparkling chocolate eyes
i see such exquisit beuty she denies,

as her soft pink lips wisper lies...

 

her delicate mocha face suddenly is turn to grief,

i yearn for her relief...

yet no words come out of my mouth,

abruptly i grasp for her body holding her delicatly as a child.

she turns her head to see me,

our eyes locked into each others depths.

I can see it in her eyes she yerns to be free.

Yet every word is choked by her tears.

 

I can feel her body shaking

its rapidly making me nervous

My actions are undecided

my emotions collied.

 

I close my eyes and open them

i gently move my head toward her face

I know that the things she has lost i can no longer replace.

i softly lick the tears she has shed.

 

she clings to me,

holding me tightly so i wont let her go.

yet i know ive done it before..

she stops...wispers in my ear,

"you have saved yourself"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

i wonder if u know what im trying to say here?
i wonder if it has more than one meaning to some1 else

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • WanderingSoul
    August 31

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    This a great write with lots of Imagery. I love it when a poet is able to pull that off with a piece. To me this write could be taken several ways, one of which is that as stated the writer has somehow managed to save themselves from something that the other person has not been able to guard themselves against. Also noted is that in the process of saving ones self they seem to have pulled away from this sad person. Indecisively, which contributed to one persons pain and longing. Thats what I got from it.

  • jotokai
    April 25
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    I am such a fan that...

    She's sad because the "persona"/speaker is fickle- at best. Even in the heat of the moment he -?- cannot decide how he really feels. Then she decides, however halfhearted his affections are, they have redeemed him.

  • jotokai
    January 18, 2008

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    Hey Amber great write really. A little enigmatic. I think perhaps the speaker is not human, but the subject is. There is a lot of great things here. I particularly like the line, "I know that the things she has lost I can no longer replace." #23

    (I recommend polishing this for spelling errors. "Collide" "Whisper" "Yearn" are standard spellings. Your personal "I" bounces between "I" and "i" for no reason I can determine... Recommend picking one or the other.)

    Other than that, evocative work. You're getting there–as one of my early reviewers always said! ;-)

    Write on!


  • ravenofdarkness
    July 31, 2007
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    good write

  • OurxBeginning
    July 30, 2007

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    I think this is a good start. A lot of emotion and imagery. I found a typo though... "yern" should be "yearn". Nice start and keep it up.

1 - 5 of 5