Reading Robert Dessaix
I muse on how well
men tell stories
hands to the wheel
eyes on the main
narrative drag
or metaphysical drift
they can see a life
(their own life, even)
as if it were a ship
on the point of disappearing
over the horizon
but whose wake is
still clearly visible
miraculously holding its shape,
only frothing and bubbling
a little, on gentle seas
sharply defined
years after the launch date
The boys stand on their
decks, compasses in hand
mapping their trajectories
tracing elegant intersections
along the contours of the map
the shape of a life
a life worthy of a big ‘L’
we tell shreds of tales
only ask for shreds
‘… how’s your Mum? Since the
doctor’s news?’ ‘Not bad,
bit flat, ask me again
next week…’
One of my sisters might say
‘I’m just hanging on’ or
‘that seems to have
blown over’
I see us being dragged
at great speed, many with
our eyes closed
along with the waxing
and waning of the moon.
We understand that
it’s just not safe to
look quite yet
and if you try to look back
the wind’s in your eyes
and as the tide falls
- a new defeat of the will
We feel the cycle
of women bearing women
extending into distant seasons
without beginning or end.
There’s not much trace of plot
we seem to be
along for the ride
A contest entry
- the mother of my mother... by CarCrashHumor.
600 points, ended August 4, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 50+ lines, prewrites welcomed by unraveled.
900 points, ended August 12, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Time For You To Take A Chance ~ Round One by Tears and Raine.
320 points, ended January 26, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I see us being dragged
at great speed, many with
our eyes closed
along with the waxing
and waning of the moon.
just like life if we let it -
Intruiging
I like the form of this poem. The quasi-abstract form is interesting and the actual devision/deliniation of the lines lends an oceanic rhythm to the whole piece (reminds me just a tad of inisfree). I especially enjoyed "narrative drag or metaphysical drift" -- plays wonderfully on the rhythm, the sea imagery, and is all around very evocative of the literary milieu. Maybe I missed something, but I didn't really grasp how this piece relates to the idea of Bildungsroman novel which has so much structure and clear, lucid plot points. Perhaps you are using the term in a more open manner i.e. a novel simply dealing with education/the formative years?
I liked this but I would like to see more clarification perhaps or explanation as to the title. -
interesting, vivid. you have a way of telling a story without actually telling it, if you get what i mean. hmm, i wish there would have been more of an ending to this considering the title is 'bildungsroman' i would have expected to see the kids grown up, or something. i like the line "and as the tide falls - a new defeat of the will"
overall a strong piece, great imagery and although it doesnt have a 'wow' factor it is very well written. thanks for the entry
cassidy -
pleasingly abstract.
thank you for sharing this. I'm glad I read it. -
77 lines but what a breeze to read. I wish I knew who robert Dessaix was. lol. *emrassed I am* good luck in the contest
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