We traipsed through former moroseness, leaving scattered smatterings of stars in our wake, and painting the skies with the world's innermost desires. We never knew how thick the betrayal in the air was, could we have guessed? The innocence of ages, shattered by the jealousy and fear still lurking in shadows so near. But how unmistakable when first lacerated with so much plasticine arrogance. When watching the sun set on an ever-veiled horizon of sanguinary defeat, anxious but unaccepted. The transformation glowed, fluoresence invincible no matter how desperate our resistance. And our bravery, doused in kerosene and set ablaze. Oh the glory, yet undeciphered...in the distance dies hope, our dream's demise.
Author notes
This was inspired by a few wordbanks and The Spoken Word, a hidden track on an AFI song. I'm actually kind of proud of this, I've never done anything like it before. =]
[♥]options one and two. AFI is one of my favorite bands, and the song is probably the most inspirational to me.[♥]
I have read the rules & promise not to break them.
A contest entry
- Write me a poem about your favorite song... or band (3 options!) by TwiztidMaggot.
450 points, ended August 20, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prose by February Moon.
900 points, ended August 25, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me think by see me fly 2.
1500 points, ended August 29, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Slain Dreamer by Ayla YellowRose.
1600 points, ended September 20, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Dissect this as if it were an autopsy...the usual. ♥
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Amazing prose, well done. I enjoyed this. Good luck (and thanks for entering).
Chelsea
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An interesting piece.
An interesting piece. I don't know who AFI is, but word bank poems are always interesting. Use of obscure descriptive words is wonderful, if used in the right context; morosity is not a word that I can find morose(adj), moroseness (n), morosely (adv). Sanguine (optomistic, cheerfull) defeat? Mmm maybe a different word would have worked in this statement. I notice you want this 'dissected' as I would want my poems 'dissected', but no one seems to make good analytical critiques on here. If I am not making sence, let me know! Good luck here. My entry will be removed in a day or so.
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thank'ee much.
don't know what i was thinking...three in the morning....on prozac and depakote...eh.
anything could have went at that point.
again...thank you. probably the most constructive response i've gotten. =]
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afi i love that band i went to go see them a few times love there stuff good luck in the contest
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hmmm i see, AFI eh, im partial to Motley Crue, but, to each their own...i had a little trouble understanding where you were going with this but... i guess it does paint a pretty image, nice job molding the lyrics into something of your own
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ooh, an AFI song. lol. nice choice! lol. good write. good luck in these contests you're in! keep up your good work!
Crimson -
although I like this, I really have to rule down this contest to my few very favorites.
good luck in the future! ♥ -
yes, you should be proud. It's very good.
although, a bit distracting, or maybe that's just me with ADD issues. it was hard to immerse into I think mostly because of the setup.
I'll read it over.
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