I want to live forever...
with no tears streaming down my face..
I want to see the sun shine...
gleaming towards me...
I want to take away..
all the rage, angst, and sadness...
that my heart will soon shout..
for contentment and joy...
I want to love...
with no walls in between...
like it will take forever...
that time won't matter...
I want to smile...
that I was holding back for so long...
I want to dance...
till these feet are aching to do so...
I want to be me...
no more hindrances...
Author notes
something that my heart worth beating for...
A contest entry
- Prewrite Party Time _--enter anything--_ by wonderbandalice.
700 points, ended July 31, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Another one from me!!! Please read and comment!!!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is great and just the way I feel. I, too want to live forever and play the piano like Mozart and write like William Shakespeare. Soon I hope. Great job.
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Very nice poem!
This poem says a lot about you, my dear! It's a fun poem and a great title and subject! Your wishes are more than admirable, they are nearly universal! Very good work -- good luck in the contest!
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:)
I think u just wrote down what I want in my life. Very beautiful friend.
~♥*Savina*♥~
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-flow ( 7/10 )
-subject ( 7/10 )
-fitting title ( 4/5 )
-word choice ( 3/5 )
-originality ( 7/10 )
-spelling and grammar ( 3/5 )
-how much I like it, basically. ( 3/5 )
Total - 34/50 OU 68%
I found that the periods at the end of each line took away from the flow of the poem a lot. -
I wrote a poem called "No Tears In Heaven" and this is the only place that I know that matches the first two lines of your poem. So,smile and dance and have hope, because ther is a place where time doesn't matter and there are no more tears.
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