In crystal springs, glazed gems, drift from the sky
Beneath distant clouds, dancing whilst they fly,
Closer... still closer, forcing time to slow
Mid April, and yet continuous snow---
Watching flakes to the ground, endless supply.
Landing on my pale face, they liquefy,
Like pleasant tears rolling down from my eye.
May blooms, secreted by ice overflow---
In crystal springs...
Days, still frigid, turn to weeks passing by.
Waiting, surveying seasons gone awry.
Then summer heat, melts the cold, warm winds blow.
Finally, the Sun's face, June does bestow.
Wedding bells ring, transforming what was nigh---
In crystal springs...
Author notes
Rondeau
A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a
sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a
refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the
same metrical length).
Option 1
I hope it was inspiring!
A contest entry
- Whatever Goes by AshliiAsphyxiation.
300 points, ended August 25, 2007, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Anything Goes!...Well almost...kinda....sorta....uh...." by islekine.
600 points, ended August 12, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Title Inspiration I by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended August 10, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seasons.. I want to know about seasons by abuyi.
600 points, ended August 15, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Appreciation Day 2007 by Kimojuno.
1000 points, ended September 14, 2007, 102 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CLICK HERE!!! by Rhapsody.
467 points, ended March 16, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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It was inspiring
thank you for entering
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NICE!
This is really nice. I've never heard of the form but just reading the poem as it is I really enjoyed it. There is a lot of nice imagery in a magical sort of way. This is a fun poem & worth reading several times! Very well done!
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A beautiful piece. I love the use of imagery here. I hardly ever get snow where I live and so it put a smile on my face to think of snow still happening in the summer months.
Great job, keep it up. Thanks for sharing =]
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Hmm; an interesting take on the title, I love how it turned out mentioning the different seasons as time goes by and things change, ending in wedding bells in the (town?) that the person seems to be waiting for throughout the seasons.
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beautifully written and well spoken
I like this poem the form I do not understand
but words I do -
Beautiful
I really like this poem. Even though I don't still full understand what a Rondeau is (and I read the author note a few times), the poem is still beautiful. You're very talented.
Mad Hatter Felix
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yes, i like the imagery, and you are a very good writer. and its an easy read and flows gracefully. im glad i came accross this one. you have a good day, and keep writing such wonderful poetry...
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The imagery is amazing... you've created a beautiful, magical atmosphere, and I am so glad I got a chance to enter it through your words!
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The form is ideal for this poem: rhythmical progression of seasons, yet at the same time distinctly different characters for each.
The penultimate lines in stanzas 1 and 2 work best, encapsulating the essence of the stanza and the season/month in a single, simply stated image (Here is the criticism: the “June” line in the last stanza suffers by comparison—it seems strained trying to position “bestow” and it continues into the next line, losing the tight effectiveness. Perhaps more work there?)
Line 3 does a wonderful job in promising and hesitating simultaneously, making the reader experience what the line is talking about. Very nice.
Repeated line is again ideal for the poem. And by the time the third stanza ends, “crystal springs” has taken on several levels of meaning suggested and supported by the poem. It is a nice “temperature” poem, as well as a “season” poem.
In spite of the rigid requirements of form, the poem avoids the danger of artificiality and flows smoothly to its conclusion.
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Wow, 5this was awesome! It seems very complicating to do, yet you did it! I loved how it turned out, too, and I especially liked
"Then summer heat, melts the cold, warm winds blow.
Finally, the Sun's face, June does bestow."
You used great word choice, and I loved how you rhymed the poem. Great work. Congratulations on the TWO beautifully- shining silver trophies, and good luk on the last contest!! Two thumbs up, keep up the great work, I loved this!!
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I think you do a pretty damn good job describing nature. There's lots of contrasts here that provoke the imagination. There is also a very experiential quality about this work and you have an amazing ability to pull me in closer. All told, this is a very good poem
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'Landing on my pale face they liquify....'
I can really feel that.
Very sensitive-very real,I can touch it.
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in crystal springs, very beautifully done.. well i have no idea about rondeau but thanks to your notes i realized how great this write is...
you vivid imagery describing the flow of seasons.. very well done.. thanks for entering and best of luck
regards
abuyi
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I absolutely love it. Very vivid with your imagery and it is just amazing.
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Very well done....
This is exactly what I was looking
for...something new...and fresh..
nice job!
Thanks for entering!
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excelent! completly excelent
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oh my goodness!
see... yours is so beautiful and vivid. Crystal Springs. i mean wow!
i really liked how it turned out too. and although i don't kow what your original plan for it was, it's beautiful
good luck to you sissy~
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