your fingerpaint arms
sing me stories of playtimes,
Uncles with hands meaty
as slaughterhouses
hung with little girls
far sadder than you.
but suspended, their eyes
are coinclosed forevers,
blank of possibilities
and pain
whilst you,
huddled touchless
on a bareback wooden chair,
are bashful
of the grazes on a cheekbone
hair-shielded.
you were bad,
I am told
through the downflicked lashes
and circling elbows.
it was deserved.
just don’t let them take me
away
Author notes
Notreal.
A contest entry
- A Poetry Contest VIII by -BlackKnight-.
525 points, ended July 31, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blank Cheque by sca.
777 points, ended November 1, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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There is nothing quite so heart wrenching, as watching the abused 'defend' their abusers...
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Is it that a guardian or someone close to is abusive, but the child still doesn't want to be removed?
I'm curious on the subject matter.
But a great flow, and use of words,
=> Jess -
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This was inspired a little by the song How to Save a Life - and yeah, that's it exactly. She was 'bad'. She deserved it. And she doesn't want to leave - they're 'helping' her.
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Very intense.
-S
Scores: originality/theme - 15; ending - 10; title - 13; line breaks/rhyme - 15; images/depth - 10; consistency -flow - 9; consistency -grammar/style - 14; first impression - 10; total - 96
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I like this. Took me a while to get around to reading it, but that's my own fault because I kept getting distracted.
Anyway, I really did enjoy this. A nice way to finish reading the entries in the contest--vivid imagery and strong emotion work well together here.
(Sorry 'bout that; wrong name I was usin' earlier.) -
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'sok, and thank you ^.^
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97
Excellent, great take on the songs.. lol cool how they sort of combined with the inspiration when they're completely irrelevant to each other.
This is one of your best ones this season. Great job here.
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Quite an interesting progression
of imagistic thought. I loved the ending, really. The change of voice is perceptible. After stanza one, do you require a full-stop? Thank you for this. Nice to read you again.
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