Am I evil?

Am I evil?
Or am I just having one constant bad day?
Gone is my fear of life's endless struggle
Now I see the true colours before me
I see the full picture, the real story
Fully alive, always, fully aware
Of the never-ending battle against death.
(for the battle can never be won)

Am I evil?
I have seen the nameless victims,
Piling in through death's gates
He greets them at the water's edge
And rows them across the lake
The lake from which they shall never return
Doomed to stay there forever, broken
(for they cannot escape from hell)

Am I evil?
I know of the sacred lie, unforgiven,
The illusion, silenced, torn
I know what lies in wait now
What haunts every man alive
And will haunt him still in death
I know why man flees from death
(for I have fled death many times)

Am I evil?
I no longer support our cause
No longer shine down, spread our truth
I am invincible, with this knowledge
Unless I suffocate under the burden
Awake and alive, I shall remain
Never drift into death's restless arms
(for they reach out for me even now)

Am I evil?
I fear death more than any other man
I fear the hungry eyes and faint voices
Of death's victims, as they sit in his boat
Swamped by knowledge of this terrible fate
Knowledge of what awaits every man, save me
I swear, I will crush the gift of life
(for life is a mockery of death's duty)

Am I evil?
I hurt all over when I think of death
I want to fade out of existence
I want to take his hand, and go with him
But I know I won't be safe, whatever death says
I know there is no other life, no better life
I am not falling from my position
(for this position promises immortality)

Am I evil?
Is it evil to think like this?
Is it evil to strive to conquer death?
The one thing my stricken soul cannot do
The one thing my battered body will not do
Is die and join the nameless in death's boat
Is it evil to ignore death's hand on my shoulder?
(for that is what I have done, and what I still do)

Am I evil?
Will death better me some day?
Or will I survive beyond time?
The conqueror of death...
Is that evil?