Forever is nothing more
then might have and could have beens
and those promises
and oaths
are obvious
you should have known better
scream outloud
the emptiness willl echo
and fill you up with nothing
Hey Jaded
rock back and forth
in the corners of your mind
the sunshine will ignore you
scars will deepen
as snow and december
leave you to yourself
Author notes
JadalaStar
Sister
I WANT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!
A contest entry
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
some fantastic, awesome, etc. lines here:
"rock back and forth
in the corners of your mind
the sunshine will ignore you"
and
"scars will deepen
as snow and december
leave you to yourself"
although, because some of your lines are very separate from each other, i would recommend that you separate your poem into verses so they would seem clearer.
an example:
Forever is nothing more
then might have and could have beens
and those promises
and oaths
are obvious
you should have known better
scream outloud
the emptiness willl echo
and fill you up with nothing
Hey Jaded
rock back and forth
in the corners of your mind
the sunshine will ignore you
scars will deepen
as snow and december
leave you to yourself
great piece!
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