I walk as a shadow.
Empty within this living shell.
From moment to moment.
Alive yet untouchable.
Two eyes without a soul.
Wandering lost among the crowd.
Unnoticed and ignored.
Like an old warn out doll.
Unwanted by family.
No friends would claim me.
Hopeless and heartless.
Broken beyond repair.
A cold breeze flows by.
Sweeping me away to nothingness.
Not even a shadow remains.
My existence erased from a page.
Unwritten my life now is.
Forgotten by all I loved.
No fleeting thoughts or cares.
About the girl that I once was.
Author notes
Option 8: Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper
A contest entry
- This Contest Is for Poets With No Trophies by tawk.
450 points, ended August 5, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forgotten Children by LittleAnn.
600 points, ended September 26, 2007, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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There is nothing so hollow as existing as a living phantom.
Being seen out the corner of eyes from heads that would not turn to look, and spoken of, but never to.
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This is such a heart-wrenching piece, thanks so much for entering it into my contest!
It makes me want to weep for every single person who had to go through this and didn't make it through...
I love the fourth stanza especially.
Congrats on the trophy in tawk's contest, getting your first AP trophy must have been a wonderful experience!
Keep on writing!
Annie
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magnificent. like you crawled into my very soul and tore a page of poetry from it. i so truly feel this way sad as that is. a great write.
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Alot of depth to these words. Life is a lonely place when one feels completely abandoned and invisible. This is well written, with a solid flow. Thank you for the entry.
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That was very sad, and I can really relate to it in my own weird way. Anyway, I thought that you did extravagantly well on this wonderful piece of poetry!! The flow and rhythm were a little bit off, but the overall quality of both was excellent!! Your use of vocabulary was good, though I think that you could easily improve it, but that, of course, is just my opinion. My favorite parts were the third and fifth stanzas. I thought that those were the best written parts, as well as the most lovely, even though the whole poem was sad. Nice job, and thanks for entering my contest!!
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this is good
you have described the feeling of being lost and alone very well. I like this write it speaks volumes!! -
Back for a second look. Such a sad and heartfelt write. I can so relate to your poem.
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Very Nice! This part I loved the best:
Unwritten my life now is.
Forgotten by all I loved.
No fleeting thoughts or cares.
About the girl that I once was.
Excellent submission! Thanks for entering and Good luck!
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Wow, I loved these lines "Two eyes without a soul.
Wandering lost among the crowd.
Unnoticed and ignored.
Like an old warn out doll." I could so relate to this write, my mom does not acknowledge me and it really hurts I have done nothing wrong. Excellent write good luck and thanks for entering
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Couldn't get a direction on this person. Thought at first it was the nature of the individual to feel and be out on the edge away from the light and love of others. Then I got the impression she'd fucked up in some mighty way and was now an outcast. You did a good job of taking a person and erasing them till not much was left but a whisper.
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This has a melancholy vibe about it. I enjoyed reading it. My favorite part was ..."I walk as a shadow.
Empty within this living shell.
From moment to moment.
Alive yet untouchable.
Two eyes without a soul.
Wandering lost among the crowd.
Unnoticed and ignored.
Like an old warn out doll"...
i think the reader is left with a lonely hollow feeling that you've managed to convey with your words. Great job and good luck in the contest
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