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In this Wilderness, a Love of Old

to the music of The Sable by Random Goldfish
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Locked in solitude, I prayed,
   memories like a songbook played;
shadows danced, mistily stained the glass
  where sweet images framed this lass...

Black haired, I once swayed ...his love
  distant as the stars above;
mysteries twisted our hands apart,
  feelings lost but in this flute and harp...

Treasured gifts I had ...received,
  for eternity ...believed;
certainties sought but were never found,
  traveling over uncertain ground...

Passing where my heart had been,
  can he see my heart within?
Just as I married a life with him,
  suns then set, life ahead grows dim...


 



Willowed-ribboned branches sway 

 touched his eyes with mirth and play

in the deep forest greens, where I won
 my first glance from his heart and song...

Summers turned to autumn gold,
 still charmed, still his hands ...I held;
life so rich, delights in earthly sounds,
 sorrow in gladness ...was ever drowned.

Autumns turn to winters, cold,
 feelings unforeseen ...unfold;
seasons when love was held high to tests,
 hearts were torn in puzzled breasts...

Winters cede their cold ...to spring,
 tiny seeded flowers bring
meadows wild, beautiful, uncontrolled;
 in this wilderness, my love of old.

 

 

 

 

 



a continuation of the poem Dance in the Shadows (The Sable) by Random Goldfish

Author notes



 

Poems/Scores to the Music of Random Goldfish:
(in reverse chronological order)

Thinking of August- Now or Never http://allpoetry.com/poem/5893739

Thinking of August- Duo (piano and cello) http://allpoetry.com/poem/5660705

Thinking of August- Acoustic Grand Piano http://allpoetry.com/poem/5892115

Thinking of August- Electric http://allpoetry.com/poem/5435359

Sweet August Days to Come http://allpoetry.com/poem/5423787

Sometimes... Faces http://allpoetry.com/poem/4940637

The Moon Tonight- Christmas from Ireland http://allpoetry.com/poem/4895079

Then the Merry Fiddlers Came http://allpoetry.com/poem/4885481

'Round a Grand Carousel http://allpoetry.com/poem/4778751

Two Souls Rooted Deep Within http://allpoetry.com/poem/4776245

A Dream- Where the Water Sleeps http://allpoetry.com/poem/4756347

Lune Sings http://allpoetry.com/poem/4397931

Gas Pump Music Duel http://allpoetry.com/poem/3449548

Chained in Silver http://allpoetry.com/poem/3385242

A New Autumn Day http://allpoetry.com/poem/3308104

Merry Merry Wiccan Wiccan Friends http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3293000

In this Wilderness a Love of Old http://allpoetry.com/poem/3244044

The Sable http://allpoetry.com/poem/3239364

Donkey Feathers http://allpoetry.com/poem/3238828

The Obsidian Tree http://allpoetry.com/poem/3059430

The Forest Altar http://allpoetry.com/poem/2648314

The Snowy Banks http://allpoetry.com/poem/2646132

 

(some scores modified by me)

 

 

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  • Random Goldfish gold member
    July 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Damn! I like it!
    The music makes the words very eerie and visual...it's like creepy-sad...haha

    Now...a list of things I noticed...in order of appearance... I'm giving a crack at this constructive critism thing...and "nit picky detail"

    In the second line of the first stanza...
    I would put mem'ries instead of memories because all three syllables are one too many for that part of the musical phrasing.

    In the last line of the first stanza encloses would be one syllable too many...enclosed would work

    in the last line of the second stanza there's an unused syllable.

    "certainty sought but never found"

    ...I can't quite fit that in the melody...I think there's perhaps a syllable unused there.

    In the last line of the fourth stanza there's an unused syllable.

    I think there's something funny about the last line in stanza six...but I can't put my finger on it.

    That's all I noticed...maybe I'm crazy...but I read and listened to it about umpteen times just to be sure of my findings...

    But besides all that picky stuff this was really awesome!









    • wbiro gold member
      July 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      tink tink tink...

      a very useful critique, thanks! (that is the sound of me tinkering) Yes, I labored over the 'enclosed' line- the others I missed... I do know I just got lazy and said I'll just have to add a part 2 to the score and add notes to the melody where applicable! hehe I do have a music studio program for the computer that I haven't opened yet- where I could add your reverb back in, but then I could just have you do it! (providing it's not during the school year!)