Talk of Nietzsche
As I study the curves of your cheekbone
Eyes burning upon the
Eyes that cast flames down on
Eyes that memorize each blink of
Eyes that say
It's alright
It's alright
It's alright to say "I love you"
Or "It's alright that I love you still",
Still do
Still do love you
Echoes bouncing against
Echoes of the voice that created
Echoes of the winds which still
Echo of your indifference
Talk of a dying G-d
As I study the miracle He's made:
You.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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that good
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I like the way you presented emotions to conflict with belief (or nonbelief); leaves a nice angsty feel to the "I love you" that lingers...and the repetition is truly effective in making the point of being lost in the emotion like a great cave -'eyes, eyes, eyes, echoes, echoes, echoes, still, still..I love you'...very nice. Peace, Rhonda (I find it comical, the title of the list you placed this one in, hmmmm)
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I just started reading your work and this one was very different (from what I've read so far.) It speaks of a love/hate relationship, or at least in my eyes it does.Excellent and thank you.
Charity
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Love the list you have this in. What do you call men like that?
Anyway...
This is tender, reminds me of evenings and early mornings when I watch heavy eyelashes rest lazily on cheeks, sleeping peacefully, and enjoying the peace, like how kids are so cute when they sleep. Some men are much sweeter when they aren't moving around and proving their dick is bigger than ...well anyone elses.
Reminds me of that.
Also reminds me of a very special morning when I woke tangled up in someone who plagues me to this day ...all legs and arms and wondering which were mine and which were his.
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This was such a beautiful write... I love how you ended it... "the miracle He's made"...
Now I want to read more from you!
Keep on writing.
Always,
Cassie
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sometimes we each find the creator in those eyes that we love...and in that we find a completeness within ourselves and peace within our hearts.
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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i loved that you mentioned the word echoes just after i read what felt like an echo, very cleverly done
this was a wonderfully well written poem, really amazingly done
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Style
Great style, never really seen this kind before. I like this one -
I'm not too fond of repetition...just my personal preference..I do like what you are saying, and also the literary reaference. Cheers
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Frued says Hi
you get what you look for - give up the Mother complex
Edipus found it's fault.
Nice write,
B D
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Creative write! I liked your use of repetition, and unspoken line endings (don't know the proper name for that style, but I like it). I can feel the love. Favorite line ... "As I study the miracle He's made: You."
Great write! Thank you for sharing this one.
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The uneveness of this piece is, I think, its strength. A powerful piece that bestows great love on the other. Well penned indeed.
Donald
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