Crying. Can't you
recall that I'm here alone?
insults of rhymes that
might piss me off.
soon I'll be away from here
or maybe I'll cease to exist. You'll
never forget me, I promise.
remember that I'm crying here
alone. these
incessant tears have
not made me stone.
only a few more days and I'll
fly away.
slap me out of this coma. I'm
under such duress.
inside this hour, no one can
cease this unbreakable stress.
I'm crying here alone. I'm
dying; crimson rain, from this
effervescent love that I have shown.
Crimson Rain of Suicide.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
hey
I like some of the flow, in areas...the rest I would break down into a more subtle flow, to compliment the rhyme...
But some of the imagery is very strong and i loved that...
I alos didn't like how u put crimson in line 19 and then used it again right in line 21, but i feel the power of the emotions here... Overall on my scale, I'd give u a 6.5 of 10, pretty good my young texas poetess... H-town down....lol...srry My brother made me say that...we live in houston...
anyway... keep spilling ur black blood, always room for another poem in the world.
Peace and Love-
Lost
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