What are you doing? You ask me
Can’t you see? I ask you
Why are you sad? You ask me
Don’t you know? I ask you
Why are you crying? You ask me
You tell me? I ask you
Pull yourself together! You tell me
Easier said than done! I tell you
It’s not that bad! You tell me
You don’t know! I want to shout
It could be worse! You tell me
I see your point! I tell you
Don’t let anyone see you like this! You advise me
Let them see the happy me! I agree
But are you really sure your happy? You ask me
I’m sure I’m sure, happiness is pure. But only when I don’t listen to you!
What is all this about? We ask each other
Look in the mirror! I tell you or you tell me
Do what’s right! I tell you
Do what’s fun! You tell me
Act for others! I tell you
You come first! You tell me
Eat some chocolate! I tell you
You’ll get fat! You tell me
Why do you laugh? You ask me
Nothing else left for me to do! I tell you
Just look at yourself! You tell me
Leave me alone! I shout at you
Why don’t you shut up? I ask you
I am you! You tell me
Author notes
This is very different to how I would normally write, but I am aiming to confuse so let me know if its worked! Negative feedback is welcome solong as its helpful
A contest entry
- Make me think by see me fly 2.
1500 points, ended August 29, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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haha! i liked this! it was sooo cute, and funny in the end! lol! i never thought it would end this way, anyways, it was creative and caught my attention! keep penning!
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I think the repittion took away from this piece . But other than that I think the main idea behind all the extra lines was worthy of making "see me fly 2" think . . . unfortunatly I think he had to think too hard reading this piece .
I absolutly adored the last line in the last stanza - what a way to finish it off . If it had been at the begining it would have captured the audiences attentions for sure .
Well done .
Thanks for the read .
~ glass fingers ~ -
I love this piece it really gets the readers attention.
Amber -
I love this! i think you really put across the confusion that you feel within when going through these kind of mental battles but without confusing the reader or trying to over simplify the emotion and confusion. Keep writing! x
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This is such a brilliant write. Confusing, yes, but brilliant nonetheless. I get the just of it, talking to yourself. Well done for writing such an orginal poem.
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Haha! I loved this! From the beginning I could tell it was a mental battle, and it got more confusing as I read on. Though, mental battles do tend to confuse one, do they not?
A wonderful piece. It actually made me laugh a bit. I love the way you changed your own mind and made yourself stronger through this argument. Wonderful.
Keep up the good work.
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Yes, it worked to degree. I AM slightly confused but sometimes it doesn't take much with me so don't use me as a yardstick.
Keep that pen handy dear poet!
midnight lace -
This was a very interesting poem to read. I liked the way it was written. Like you were talking to someone but you were really talking to yourself or better yet, arguing. I feel like this sometimes. Your not alone in this feeling. Great write, thanks for sharing it.
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You say you were aiming to confuse, but I must admit it made total sense to me. It may not have been where you were coming from, but it was a great paraphrase of the dialogue that goes on in my own head at times. There are times I feel like I am looking in a mirror, or worse yet, watching myself on screen and talking to myself through something. Maybe it is normal thinking, or maybe it is my bipolar tendencies. Either way, I enjoyed this greatly!
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I really like this style. This poem read really well. I think you did a great job here. Keep up the good writing.
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thank you!
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great one keep it up
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Great poem I like it a lot.
Amber
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