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Feed This Desire

Mesmerizing
        in every aspect;
            questions shine in my head.
                Does she notice me?
                    If she does, is it good?
                        Does she know how I feel?
                            What is it about her that I crave?

Distingished feelings
          clinging in justified hope
                for one glance from her;
                    just to know she knows
                        I exist.

Craving
        just one touch
              to feed this desire;
                      this addiction.
                          A simple kiss
                              to mark her as mine.

Yearning -
        her body next to mine;
                the sweet intoxication of
                      her perfume is enticing.
                            So close and yet so far -



Author notes

Sin/Virture: Lust/hope

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Comments


  • luckynsincere
    August 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Kris,

    I feel that this piece could use abit of touch up myself. I think that you could have dug a bit deeper. You know how I feel about questions in a poem... this takes away the power... I want to see you.. your thoughts... your soul.. tell me who and what you are, from what have you grown... not ask me. I think that the layout was risky, but has paid off. In my opinion, I felt that the layout of your lines gave life to your poem, and not many poets could have pulled off the form. You rushed this Kris. REMEMER: take your time

    Mel

    your score: 85


  • Arkbear gold member
    August 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Hello Kris ~

    First off, I enjoyed the way you Fed

    off of each Prompt given ~

    I am not happy about the quickness of your

    entry, and the length of it as well ~

    I KNOW, you could have done a LOT better

    and dug a LOT deper into this write ~

    I sensed the feeling that you are tired?

    I hope not, because you are one

    Strong Poet who plays hardball ~

    The presentation is nice, but did

    nothing to enhance this Entry ~

    I am actually......a bit shocked that you only

     took 2 SHORT stanzas for each of your

    Prompts to guide us into a world of your thoughts about each ~

    I would have enjoyed this much better,

     had you taken the time to dwell on you subject

     a bit more, and penned something that was

    going to make me *feel* something ~

    I am not shy about about saying..

    ..I'm saddened by this entry ~

    I know your talents....and I know

    the power in that Quill of yours ~

    Where di it go?

    Good luck Kris ~

    Bear ~

    94......minus 5 points for no effort....just my opinion ~

    Score:

     

    89


  • Liilac Dreams
    July 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    First stop I love the creative way you have phrased your paragraphs! and this was such an elegant write! a very well written piece .....thank you for sharing your wonderful talent with us Kris

    Scarlet