She's just another cliched catastrophe.
Nothing special about her.
She's just like all the other wasters,
convinced they're out to get her.
Self-sabotage and paranoia.
She'll keep those skeletons in her closet,
which is just where they belong.
Her pretty face, a party girl.
How hard she works to keep up her lies.
Attention-whore,
please look her way.
Validate her,
make her real.
All she wants is your approval,
but she'll never tell you that she cares at all.
She'll paint on a smile,
and laugh along,
not knowing why or what the joke is.
She'll play her part,
like every day.
So callous, so cold.
Unfeeling slut.
So desperately scared,
consumed by fears that have no form.
What a loveless bitch,
she'll never care again.
She learnt her lesson,
she learnt it well.
She let them in, they broke her heart.
Author notes
High-on-Death, Zero.
Option 4, Love is a battlefield.
Give Me.
A contest entry
- Give me better than zero by Great Puppett V.
400 points, ended August 1, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by OldCheeseMaster.
315 points, ended September 30, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The true you by madd-marionette.
300 points, ended August 21, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Tons Of Options~ Come Inside~ by BeautifulNitemare.
450 points, ended October 23, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best Poem Titles by Lick On Her1275.
490 points, ended September 15, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Stories and Abnormal Cliches by Dirty and Broken.
2400 points, ended November 29, 2007, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter You Best Dark Piece by InMyFlames.
300 points, ended March 7, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain In Poetry by Jadis Blade.
450 points, ended April 11, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critiques?
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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This is very good. Beautiful diction and description. You were able to join an idea and the art of words and executed it brilliantly.
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"She'll paint on a smile,
and laugh along,
not knowing why or what the joke is.:" i love that i have used the idea of painting on smiles its a great clique -
A strongly worded poem. I guess, everyone deals with a broken heart (and sometimes will) in a different way. I's think it is the job of the perceptive population to be able to see through the guises.*huG8s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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Amazing...it is true and definetly a lot of people in my school. I think u should wi
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Apart from the over-used grammar this piece has awesome imagery and beautiful phrasing.
Nicely penned
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Contrary to popular belief grammar isn't going to hurt you.
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I never assumed it would.
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That would have been my irritation with the apparent fear of grammar on the internet coupled with a terrible mood and excessive boredom.
Sorry.
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This is a really good poem!
'She let them in, they broke her heart.' I can really relate to
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Oh my ouchie!!! This is so filled with pain. I wish I could hold her and tell her that there are good people out there who would never think to hurt her. I see this poem has been recognised before, so I guess good luck is not necessary here. Power packs punch and you always do well when you write something this profound.
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a very great way to express your poetic side and the creativity and the format of it all was very nice it was a pleasure to have me read your contest entry
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although love is allowed in,they show their trust in you to break a heart and run like heck is so so sad,you penned this very well..good luck in the contest..MM
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This is such a strong write. You use bad language, but yet it feels so appropiate for the poem. I don't know what else to crit. It was wonderful! You're going to the finalists!
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nicely done
excellent topic. I love the way you didnt hide true emotions behind the ones just there for show. the flow worked well and the whole piece never felt forced. It just flowed from pen to paper and that is what makes a good piece even better. Thanks for entering and good luck -
sounds like a lot of people that are afraid to be themselves no matter what the 'crowd' is doing
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How can someone fear being themselves, when they don't know who they are?
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easy I do it everyday ... I may not be a paint up doll you meet, but I hide behine a mask everyday
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I'll tell you two things. Firstly, that she's no doll, and secondly that she doesn't fear being herself.
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Than I am glad for her.
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Don't be.
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