A dream:
So loving,
So caring,
Out going,
And sharing.
Peaceful,
Depressing,
sad,
but
true.
Our lives,
Our wonders,
Our promises,
We share.
Giving to whom,
Who doesn't care ...
A dream.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Well this is quite a short poem that you have written. I'm a bit disappointed though since it's not as descriptive as I was hoping it would be.
There are many ways you can go out when you are talking about a dream, try to get into more detail, give the reader some images and food for thought
Stanza breaks would be nice too (accompanied by more words then) cause as it is now, it feels like one big sentence that's split up in several places - and that makes it read as if it is some kind of shopping list
The feeling you brought with the words is right - the unreachable kind of thing; utopia, but it could be more descriptive try metaphors, makes a poem stand out!
Keep on writing, you will get there
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more stanza breaks, too short of lines... too many commas. Nice words though too much '...ing' endings/gerunds. Make them active verbs, and introduce who is speaking/feeling, etc.
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Hmmm, well there's one thing I can definitely say about this poem and that it'll affect people of different ages in different ways. That's a nice thing in a way because there'll be hundreds of people and none of them will perceive this poem the same way or even the way you meant it to be portrayed.
The thing about this poem, is that it's terribly simple. Too simple, in fact. Of course, when you dive into it, it's an exhilarating poem, but for the length and size of the sentences, it doesn't really compel the reader to dive into the poem. In other words, the structure of the poem isn't too appealing.
Coming to the poem itself, dreams is a theme you can do so many things with and it's good to see that you've utilized that fact. I especially enjoy poems that look at both sides of the situation and this one delivered that perfectly.
All in all, it's a wonderfully cute poem.
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