The butterfly dances
at the edges of the field.
Go down slow
looking for the soul,
and go down so slow.
Uncanny.
The blind butterfly
fleeing through the trees
the anger of the curling leaves
through the bite of fading sun
and falls to the forest floor.
Go Down slow,
alights among those feuding leaves
and does not rise again.
A chipmunk on the mottled rock.
Nose up for the waiting rain
Arms around the acorn's pain;
eyes alert at the lovers in the lane.
Author notes
see also: "fallen", and "third part of the whole".
Written September 1st, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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Yes. I love the repetition of the 'Go Down slow' line. I like this piece a lot. It works, it flows. I love the distinct feelings of the different sections and how they combine for the overall thought. Good work.
Jesse
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This a series or sumpthin?
Last four lines .. -
a very picturesque poem. your imagery is quite lovely. i don't know if i should say i enjoyed this (not that it wasn't a good poem, that's not at all what i meant, i enjoyed reading your works) but enjoying the death of a creature...i don't take pleasure enjoying that...oh drat, i don't know what im saying. your poem is oh so very beautiful, that's what i mean...and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it in any way. never stop writing.
eve -
Superb/Fun
Cool poem, even charming in it's way. Well crafted and written. -
i love the freedom and rhythmn
of the butterfly
you captured its essence in your prose
a good symnetry, also, with nature -
wow th imagery in this poem, gives you an uplifting positive feeling which has really made me smile, i really really liked this, so thankyou for sharing such a lovely poem! xx
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LOOL do u know wat lute means in arabic.. lol
mk.. ill leave u with that.. still a nice write for a BUNNY,, they sensor.. l - u - t - e??? LOL -
very good
the imagry in thei is fantastic...I loved it.
I look forward to reading more of your work as this was a pleasure to read!
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Wow great imagery created here and nice flow too, I enjoyed this part the most:
The blind butterfly
fleeing through the trees
the anger of the curling leaves
through the bite of fading sun
and falls to the forest floor -
This is a very nicely done piece.......imagery is done very well.
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go down slow.. - very nice old guitar man..
this has a subtle way about it ... a melodic thrum of autumn, I love the noise that butterflys make...
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the butterfly - always good for inspiration to write poetry. spill poetic ink and twist me into the wild lemony crazy shape of unfathomable love...
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Very well written poem.
I feel so bad for the
butterfly!
Very visual and so
creative.
Thank you for sharing.
Jeannie D Hunter
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'This writing is simply marvelous! I enjoyed this piece immensely. I definitely wasn't expecting all of the stuff between the first line and the ending statement. All in all, very enjoyable. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. Well, done and thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways. You rock....
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I found this piece to be refreshing and light. The beauty within it radiates through your words so nicely. The feel of piece is soothing and siomple but lovely all the same. Nicely Done!
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this is a lovely magic filled poem, I think. I especially like the fact the you mentioned a chipmunk. I have recently got one as a pet and he is the cutest thing ever!
Your imagery in the poem is brilliant also.
Thank you so much for this uplifting poem. -
We got tons of chipmonks they make a noise like "siddaloooouuu" or something like that. Dogs chase them they want to eat them. Well one does the little shihtzu she just pretends she cares whats going on - she'd rather be a child.
<--- I always liked that border. Want to run through it. You have a side to you - the nature side that always fascinates me -- they way you see things -- here the chipmonk and the butterfly, I love the way the caterpillar waits on the fence in the Poem.
I hate that Labor Day everything changes at the beach after that weekend. It is still summer but the beach just flat out changes. Something in the air says "yes, Lisa, another summer is gone" the water is a different color -- I get sad.
Write more. -
Nature, but sense a deeper expression of love lying between these silky lines.
Very interesting visuals and sounds in the poem...
"The blind butterfly"
Eyes are closed to something - cannot see
"the anger of the curling leaves"
Makes me think of fingers, clenching tightly in a fist
"A chipmunk on the mottled rock"
Just love the word chipmunk.
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Such lovely creatures who are given such a short space of time and here's us ugly brutes tromping around trying to extend ours.. this is lovely.. I do so love butterflies and dragonflies..
Barb
xxx -
anger at how some things never seem to change....
a beautiful piece lute
(flutters away) -
Wonderful tender write, one can almost hear the quiet in the forest, hear the silent flutter of the butterfly's wings, hear the crash of the leaves on the forest floor, wonder at the continual changes in season and time and how some things never change. Even the acorn can't control his destiny, the squirrel was waiting down below. Nicely done, Lute, nicely done, I love the smell of nature after a rain, but who doesn't?
~ becky
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Autumn's mystery unfurled ...
Its butterfly initially only on the edge of the field ... Searching for the soul ... then, as if aflamed, it fled through trees, touching all the feuding (angry, fighting to stay)leaves by brushing past, unaware of its own effect ("blind") ... It falls to the forest floor, in unification ...
Yet, always the spectator, alert, but somewhat uncaring:
"A chipmunk on the mottled rock.
Nose up for the waiting rain
Arms around the acorn's pain;
eyes alert at the lovers in the lane"
I loved this.
Soft flutters of wings.
Myra
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Wonderful nature poem
They are my fav
In fact I just posted 2 tonite
Do come see me won't you?
Blessings
Susan~~~ -
A great imagery here, the poem from the seventh line until the end, seem like a fading flame lighting on the darkness, anyway the piece had written well, great job.
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Now this IS a pretty one. Steals it for the toybox... Val
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Wow...a very beautiful and lyrical write. I love how you repeat the lines "go down slow." Thank you for sharing. Lily
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The opening line is captivating...."The butterfly dances at the edges of the field."it sets the mood of the rest of the poem...it has a wonderful intoxicating effect ,which nature alone never fails to deliver.....again ,i may be completely wrong,i felt there was another level to the poem with the lines.."Go down slow
looking for the soul, and go down so slow.""Go Down slow,
alights among those feuding leaves and does not rise again."
It is a beutifully crafted poem on nature.....besides taking in the sheer beauty of nature ,it made me think too!
Thank u for commenting on my poem.
I have enjoyed reading your work,thank u once again!
Wishing you more wonderful writes as this one!!
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I felt like i was "lilting" along with the butterfly through the brush...a sense of the "birds eye view" so to speak
This line was particularly fantastically executed! Very creative and vivid...Loved that!:
"...Arms around the acorn's pain;"
UB
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A very beautiful nature write. Lovely descriptions in your words. An all around excellent poem. Thanks for sharing. Irene
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