Emotional bruised today,
easily broken hearted yesterday.
Loving and caring most of the time,
Tearful and fearful all the time.
Worries for the future,
guilty of the past.
Twisted in memories,
giving birth to flashes of suicide.
Full of addictions,
trying to clean up the mess.
Tangled up in thoughts,
just want to know normality.
I 'm branded in name,
left in my own world of shame.
With not much left to gain,
Living with all this pain.
Author notes
Bi-Polar Biome
Bi-polar is a prickly disease which affects every aspect of my life I'm branded in name.
A contest entry
- Just Give Me Something To Read by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended January 18, 2008, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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tensility through trails
announcement in many ways
it had a readable but miserable pull until the u-turn ubiquitously wanted as to how we can't operate that distraught in the second stanza. It's a memorable line : "giving birth to flashes of suicide" because it shockingly juxtaposes outcome of life's launch and unsettled existing extensions but the lighter isn't valuably lit to tear it all up. No crutch but rather the crux of the matter for the freeness from "Tangled up in thoughts,
just want to know normality" while tumultousness until tomorrow needs samples from within as having been nurtured towards it. days of viscidity has to have some acidity taken off.
I stopped by for some of your phrases not AP bonus so that's yours,
also called -
good piece this one. yet even those who do not suffer from this ailment can sure empathize, we have all felt these emotions from time to time..thank you very much
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This is wonderful. I feel this way. It sure can be painful to walk this road. I hope you are getting better. I hope I do also. Thank you for sharing this one with me.
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227/250 [91% A]
Here is the rubric I use for my multi- round contests. I am going to show you what I have given you score-wise. I do not mind if you write back to me, and say that you disagree with my score. If you contact me before it is judged, if your reasons of why I underrated you in a certain category are convincing enough, your score may very well be increased.
However.. what is presented in the poem itself is key. I’m very firm with my judging… but I admit I have been wrong more than once when it has come things like this.
Now...most judges won't do this because 1) they can't take it when people disagree with them, and 2) people change the poem around so then they are like 'yeah I did not mess up here what are you talking about' And that is why I almost didn't even say 'it's alright to disagree with me'
I’m not secretive about my opinions. I’m totally honest. [As you can hopefully tell. lol]
Also, if you think there is something else, that there is another category that could be included in the rubric, let me know. Accurate judging is important.
Title (First impression): 10/10
Title (Last impression): 10/10
Opening stanza/lines: 8/10 ['emotionally' i think you meant]
Middle stanzas: 9/10
Last stanza/lines: 9/10
[Total: 46/50]
Connections of ideas and objects: 10/10
Connection of metaphors, simile: 6/10
Overall cohesion: 8/10
balance of abstraction/imagery: 8/10
Poem flows well/meter is on(if necessary): 10/10
[Total: 42/50]
Use of all poetic devices in general: 8/10
Rhyme or Line breaks/emphasis: 9/10 [towards the end with the whole gain, pain rhyme, I thought it was good for emphasis at the same time the rhymes are so simple- and there wasn't anything totally original surrounding it, so it came off as cliche.
Overall creativity of poem: 8/10
overall originality of poem: 8/10
Word play, word strength, phrasing, etc.: 8/10
[Total: 41/50]
Cliché vs. Profound: 9/10
Presentation of poem (first impression of poem's body/appearance): 10/10
Poem is related to task: 10/10
Consistent use of (no) proper English: 10/10
Length of poem is necessary: 10/10
[Total: 49/50]
First initial impact of poem: 9/10
Last impact of poem: 8/10
Effort is shown in actual poem: 9/10
Understandable/Makes sense: 10/10
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
[Total: 44/50]
Bonus?
Emotion/personality/edge: 5/5
[Total: 5/5]
Total: 219/250 [88% B]
First off, I can relate to this [minus the 'tears' part] - I'm not diagnosed with the disorder, but one doesn't need to be diagnosed with anything to know something is wrong. I have personality issues. So, I can relate to this.
I liked this... I just felt more could have been done with this. With more effort, you could have incorporated more metaphor and extended on it.
Overall you did a good job. Thanks for entering and best of luck.
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Wow!
This certainly tugs at the heartstrings
Powerful piece which hits hard with emotion~!
Oy!!
What a verse You have penned my Friend
Thank You for sharing this!!
Wish You the best in this Challenge!
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Nice job of explaining the feelin in poem. Really shows the way it affects.
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