She sits alone
on this desert beach
a new day's born,
new night to reach
clouded by memories of the past
She fades to madness' arms
at last
waves haunting the rocks of the coast
her dying heart
it feels so lost
She stares at the horizon
and
tries to make out
the reasons of her soul wizen,
tears
want to get out
Forget the fears,
blood-red rose thorn
surrender to the ocean's sway
can't cry
can't think
can't live no more
with all the pain of your betrayal
Author notes
[♣,Selene] I think this was inspired by a song Evanescence - Solitude ...or at least the title was, but actually this is just how I feel inside, so I hope you appreciate that kinda I'm letting you to take a look at my soul and that's really personal
'Emotion~Overrated~Underappreciated~Overwhelming'
A contest entry
- Be Remembered By Your Words by silverscent.
375 points, ended August 22, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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A very personal and strong write. It seems a bit cliche, but it's probably just me. The metaphors and description really help paint a strong visual while reading. Thanks for entering
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a little cliche and a little too emo (no offense meant) for me, but still a good poem. thanks for entering!
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Mmm I agree that the beach/reach rhyme did set the poem for a rhyming scheme. Great work, however, with wonderful imagery. Although the black text on the purple background is making my eyes hurt a little (probably just my own insanity kicking in there tho)
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Quote for Comment, Message when done
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awwwwwwwww lovely
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kinda cliche but awesome
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Parts of this came across as quite cliched - 'blood-red rose', while other parts had good imagery - 'surrender to the ocean's sway.'
I don't care for the beach/reach rhyme in the first stanza- it seems to set the poem up with a rhyming flow that then wasn't fulfilled.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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i loved it....
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Thanks for entering.
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I think it should be betrayal in the last line too but nevermind, you did a good job opening up your soul with this poem, I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for entering and good luck x
Oh, by the way, Evanescence rocks x take care x -
In the last line shouldn't it be "betrayal" rather than "betray"? Other than that I liked how you related everything back to the ocean, wonderful metaphors and lovely imagery. Thank you
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Great one!!! I started singing the Evanescence song Solititude...but anywho...I like the intracate simplicity ( ...if that makes sense ) of it!! best of luck!
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I loved it... I can relate to it... so sad... good job... keep it up
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This is really well written with so much sadness. I'm sure so many can relate to this. Great job.
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a rather depressing piece, but well-written. some lines didn't make any sense what-so-ever to me, like "I stare at the horizon/and/try to make out/the reasons of my soul wizen/tears/want to get out". on re-reading it i think i'm starting to get it, but if you mean to say something totally different in each line i would advise using some kind of punctuation to separate the ideas. of course i could be totally wrong here but whatever. good imagery throughout the piece made it interesting and easy to get through. good write and thanks for entering!
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this is a good, poem, I like it alot, realise alot in my point of veiw and I wish you all the luck.
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This is such a beautiful poem. I could feel the sadness. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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