Too Much that Time Cannot Erase

Dark swirls enclosing all around me,
My thoughts jumbled,
My mind blurry,
Nothing of coherency comes out of me.
“I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore.”

My body, it feels numb,
There seems to be nothing more,
Insanity has reached its peak,
But
“Its true, we’re all a little insane.”

His voice seems to rise higher than before,
The anger quite apparent,
Yet, locked in my mind,
I cannot hear.

Smooth lyrics hit me,
Instead of those crippling blows,
I smile softly at him,
It angers him,
But looking at him,
I know that,
“One sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain.”

He doesn’t think that now, I know.
He doesn’t know what he has done.
He’s insane, you see, he doesn’t understand.

But he covers it up,
He puts on a mask,
A mask that makes him seem nice,
Makes him seem like a loving husband, father.
But no, that will never be.
What will happen when I take that mask away?
“Without the mask where will you hide?
Can't find yourself lost in your lie!”

He will never be what he was,
The lie, it has taken him over,
He cannot tell who he is anymore,
And neither can we.

We look at him everyday,
Wondering where the old father went.
Is this his true form?
Is this what he really is?

Life, it seems that it can last,
It seems that nothing can destroy happiness.
But that train of thought is wrong.
Life is fragile, it can be taken away so easily.
A simple cut,
Not even skillful,
Can pour all the life from one.

I know, looking at myself,
I do not know what I’ve become.

The blade, it keeps cutting,
Keeps leaking my life,
“All the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
Too sharp to put back together,
Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.”

But why am I still here?
Why have I not yet disappeared?
The songs, yes the songs,
They keep playing.

No matter how deaf my ears have become,
No matter how many times I’ve locked myself in,
The words bring me up,
The words keep me sane.

“I [can] lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me”
To block out life around me
Though,
“I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now”

My mind, as you see, is a complicated place.
It does not make sense,
It won’t dissipate.
But those sweet, soft lyrics,
Hitting my ear,
Maybe I have found my escape.
Maybe life can be fair.