Snowflakes in my tea, Milky Way
shining stars in a fiery play
upon ribbons of bright starlight,
glistening in the eternal night
wondrous spirals, swirling array;
a wall of stars bright as the day
covering years of space, as may
ringed worlds, moons are such a sight.
Snowflakes in my tea…
misty clouds glowing brown; and gray
across the span of time they lay
and wait for moments come a-right
to join reverie bold and bright;
light falls gently as to portray
snowflakes in my tea…
shimmering snowflakes in my tea.
Author notes
a fifteen line form: Rondeau; plus one line to make sixteen lines.
In a list
A contest entry
- Snowflakes In My Tea by Pamela A Lamppa.
2800 points, ended July 28, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rondeaus, Rondels and Rondelets- Prewrites Allowed by Crystal Chanda Lear.
1000 points, ended September 9, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
A wonderfully vivid poem that was cleanly and precisely penned and was a pleasure to read. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
David
-
This is a contest I could not wrap myself around. I had several ideas, but nothing that came to fruition in time.
I am a great fan of rhyme, meter and form poetry. I am not sure if there is a set meter for this form, but I do remember it is supposed to be consistent from line to line. I found it varied a bit, but am not sure if it was just my reading or if it was actually the case.
Either way, really strong imagery and use of the line given as a prompt. The way you closed with the extra line was a nice touch. -
Always original with plenty of imagery and alliteration. I love the comparisons of infinite snowflake form and galaxy...
I did want to replace one word:
"ringed worlds, moons and such a sight" to:
"ringed worlds, moons are such a sight"
A wonderful read as I have come to expect from you!
Best always, Blue
-
-
Thank you Blue
for your wonderful comments and gentle edit...PK
-
-
very unique and vivid way to use this phrase
strong images you have penned here, a lovely poem
best to you,
Michelle
-
Wonderful Write
I found the write to be very vividly intresting and the form done very well. I love the way you combined natue with the repetitive line. well balanced with great flow...novy
-
Nice Imagery here.
Oh this is a nice rondeau. Meter is a bit off but it sounds so pretty with so much imagery. And the added line - I thank you.
I loved this line: wondrous spirals in a swirling array;
so very pretty and I can see snowflakes in spiral like our galaxy.
and this one: light falls gently as if to portray
snowflakes in my tea…
Ahh I love the use of light in a poem.
Nicely done with lovely imagery.
I am a lover of form and rhyme and am so pleased to have this poem in my contest.
Sorry about the initial blank comment. I went to comment and hit enter. So - here Ya go.
Very nicely done. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. ~Pamela
-
Bravo! To see the universe as snowflakes in tea ... very visual and creative! Maybe this is what God sees! Good luck in the contest!
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
