What's one more cut,
When I don't want to survive?
What's another pill,
When I'm already f*cking high?
Whats another drink,
When I'm this damn wasted?
Whats anotherchocolate bar,
When I can't even taste it?
She's already the fat drunken bitch,
Whose about to OD.
She cuts away at every inch,
But hey, its only me...
Author notes
don't critizise. dont ask questions. just tell me what you think of it as a poem (the structure, rhyme etc), not the topic.
i've had a fair bit of writers block, but a craving to write at the same time (its so annoying), but last night i wasn't doing too well and this came into my head. i rote it in about 5 mins.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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i really like the way this flows and how it sounds
my only complaint is in line four when you put "f*cking" it kind of made me loose track of the poem itself because i was like "hahaha they used that star thingy" maybe its just mean
but i think the poem would hit home better if you would have just said the word...
i mean i do beleive you can sware still in your poems on this sight, they havent censored poetry yet...right?
♥
but still great write minus that one little thing which is probably just me...
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When I look at the words I see echoes of pain, i can relate in a way, some parts yes some parts no, but thats needlessy here or now, your poem, carried itself with each word, driven like a stake piercing the mind, with images, realistic images, you have a tlent for words, using and choosing the ones that leave an imprint.
Deep strong flowing saying it like it is, sometimes I wish I was able to write with such power, but that is not to be, very passionate poem, all I can do is hope you find your path in life the love needed to make life worth giving a go.
No need to reply I just say what the poem makes me feel.
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wow.
yet again; you've written the truth amazingly.
i really love this.
and i understand it so much.
the rhyming is great;
its very well written.
BRAVO!
x.x.x
[PS; if youre still interested in expanding your AP family, let me know]
=] ♥
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thank you so much!!
glad you liked it
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wow, boy do i no how that feels
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thanks for your comment. im sorry you feel the same. if u needa talk just let me know
love HB
xoxoxoxoxooxx
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Oh wow ... this was very good ... I loved the rhythm and the flow ... they rhyme was perfect ... and I am so sorry that you feel this way ... I too am a cutter ... and know what it's like to live the life of one ... as well walk down the path of grief ... so if you ever need to talk please do not hesitate to contact me ... I am here for you no matter what ... but as stated above ... this is a wonderful write and beautifully penned ... Much Love ... Sparkeh
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The rhyming is really good. I won't comment on the subject, since you told me not to...
But, I love the poem itself.
Hope you're well.
*snap*
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thanks for the comment hun glad u liked it
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AMazing.
I love it sis. This is such a deep write, and I can really relate to it. Well done, and hang in there!!!
<3bd9
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awww thanks you sis!!! take care xoxoxox
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omg. i really like it.
it has a really good flow to it.
nice, niceee.
write more..
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hehe thanks you!!! im glad you liked it! and i plan to write more i love writting lol. take care xoxoxoxox
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i like it good job has a nice flow.
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thanks you!!!!!! it means alot
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The musicality is great. Rhythm and rhyme help pace the poem while its images realize the words. I wonder how much more detail could be painted if this were a bit longer
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Loved it!
:]
♥--T.R
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thanks!!
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WOW !
I wish I could come up with something this good in 5 minutes. I too have had a block lately and can't seem to come up with anything very good. Well done, take care and remember that I love you
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im sure you could come up with something amazing in 5 mins Ap mum
hope the writters block goes away soon!!!!!
love yoooooooou, take care
love HB
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wow great write for a 5 min job well done
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thank you very much!!!!!!!!!!!!
take care
xoxoxoxox
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The poems that you write in 5 mins are usually the best. (thats what i find with me anyway) I liked the ending line- i thought that was quite clever. The topic- im going to touvh upon it anyway.... Soooo dark, but i think its what needed to come out. I write when im angry/ sad etc, so most of my poems are really depressing lol.. But this one was really strong. The emotion was almost overwhelming. A nicely written poem.
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wow thanks for the comment. the reason i said dont talk about the topic, was mainly aimed towards my AP family and close friends because they would ask what happen n wats rong, and u no 21 questions.
i right when im angry and upset too. i dont have happy hopful poems really, lol, but poetrys helps me express how im feeling. the feelings i supress in real life.
thanks for the comment and applause
take care, love HB
xoxoxoxoxox
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