Nihillistic paradise,
Just a raw existence.
A painfully precise
Eternal consistence
Of a pure reality.
An unknown dimension
Void of morality.
Evolved comprehension
Of our small universe,
Exhale a hard labored breath
As I begin to immerse
In this sea after death
Author notes
death is the theme (duh)
your friend LUCIFERSCHILD
A contest entry
- Truth Of Life contest round THREE (invite only) by xandercheerios.
1000 points, ended July 31, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - search by CarCrashHumor.
800 points, ended August 1, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I like it, just not a winner. Thanks for entering!
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I can see why you took bronze.This is really well written and I like the overall theme.Death takes us all and how you look at it decides how you deal withit.
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hmm, good job. I like the eerie way you wrote it... I don't know if that's really the word I'm looking for, tho... ha. good write, tho. congrats on the bronze trophy... also, good luck in the other contest!
keep it up!
Crimson -
I just have one question. The true purpose for the spacing between first and second parts... what is it? Other than that, a spectacular portrayal of the mystery of life after death. Great job, good luck!
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The last three lines work best for me, since they deal concretely with what must essentially remain abstract. Words like 'nihilistic', 'existence', 'eternal', and 'reality' don't communicate as powerfully as the 'hard labored breath', which I can almost feel. Tighten the first part?
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Exceptional as always. A lot of Raw statements just flow through this piece. It's a great take on The void we know as death. Anyways Great write and keep the pn going
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Powerful
I like it, many opinions on what (if anything) awaits us after death. This is as good as any. It's taut and concise, expresses your idea completely. Your random rhyme scheme keeps the reader a little off center which fits the surreal quality of this piece. Me likey!
. Rewarded 6
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Glorified darkness?
To some of us death is just a simple 'change of clothes'. Your poem treats death as a 'fait de compli' of void; and then declares an audacious praise that its pure reality is amoral. That's a big assumption ... a very big assumption! But, you make your point well. Thanks.
. Rewarded 6
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FransB
I like this: "Eternal consistence
Of a pure reality" and "Exhale a hard labored breath
As I begin to immerse
In this sea after death". Here is meaning in the unmeaning!
. Rewarded 4
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no heat
Anending with a new beginning. No Dante's inferno. Oh but who really knows. Perhaps we come back as a roach.. Interesting write
. Rewarded 4
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