Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The day I died

Sitting down on the floor
next to the bed
lost in the black abyss of desperation
Looking at the clock to see the hour
but it shows years instead
and praying for a ray of light
a destination

Your words
I know
won't leave me alone
I hadn't time to try
to keep you to myself
Now
I'm here
without you
and you're gone
though this is probably the realest thing I've ever felt

Time
they say
it'll heal the wound
and that I'll laugh at the tears I've cried
But I know you'll be always on my mind
the pain
the scars
the day I died
 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • sinkfloridasink
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    "Time
    they say
    it'll heal the wound
    and that I'll laugh at the tears I've cried
    But I know you'll be always on my mind
    the pain
    the scars
    the day I died"

    I felt the words here, I really felt this. I think this is a great poem. Very emotional, so emotional, however its good if you can pull it off and you did. The only thing about this is the background kinda makes it unreadable


  • completely mad
    June 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was a sad write, thanks for entering it

  • Virgoan
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    simple yet a good write.

    this piece can and will grow.

    keep sharing your gift.


    HENSLEY


  • Chrysalis
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    There were a lot of emotions in here... though it is still sad in a way, I still kinda liked.
    "I'll laugh at the tears I cried"-- my favorite line! That would be silly to laugh at all the tears, but in the end its what we really do.
    Thanks for your comment.

  • cloudenvy
    March 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the descriptions in this. This poem is both sad and heartfelt, and the end concluded it nicely. I recently went through this me and my boyfriend had a lovely little break up and I went through the stages of i hate you, i still love you, why did you do this, and I am a lot happier now. It will hurt for awhile but you will feel a live again. The line that really caught my attention was "looking at the clock to see hours but it shows years instead." That was an awesome line.


  • Breathing-Fate
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Incredible

    I love the ending! It's truely remarkabe, I know exactly where you're comming from! Best blessings -Fate-


  • Xsafety glassX
    February 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awww. so sad...

    KUDOS!!! thanx for entering


  • Heartless Angel
    September 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    :( but in a beautiful way.

    this is a beautifully sad poem. The title caught me by surprise and caught my attention instantly. The language here is beautiful and the feeling is raw and real. I enjoyed this poem immensely, and thank you for your comment on "Haunt" You have a wonderful talent here, and I hope you keep writing.

    Sincerely,
    Lillian Madeline


  • Jai Guru Deva
    August 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Sad and somber, but wonderfully written.

1 - 10 of 10