only you can make me laugh
stop the flow of tears
Making all of the bad things disappear
Only you could make me see
Threw the darkened clouds
Making the light shine through
Only you could show me what to do
Help me understand
Making everything easier
Now you're gone; never to be seen
Hiding away from me
My tears will never stop
My laughter has vanished
Your Voice remains behind
You've left me behind
When you promised you wouldn't
Only you could stop the yelling
Tell them to stop
Making it safe once more
Where are you when I need you?
A contest entry
- Playing In The Fire - 1 by Hadji Murad.
650 points, ended July 24, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
i love this poem every time i read i want to lose it but i know not to because it done and over with
-
-
I know this one is one that I hold closest to my heart, becuase it was the only one that I feel so strong about
-
-
If I didn't read the comments and your sub line, I would have said gee another teenager in distress. To much of every troubled thing after each other. It sounds if there wasn't any learning in the past and leaning to much on another persons being.
Use more time elements place thing as contradictions beside each other. Like you did in >You've left me behind
When you promised you wouldn't<
And keep in mind life is more promising as for the short period when we are (where
) young.
Keep it up there a good life is a lifetime learning.
-
-
god bless you, thank you for your beautyful and touching comment. I will keep in mind everything that you said thank you for all your support
-
-
I READ THIS POEM AND IT MADE ME KINDA CRY
-
-
this is the one, that is in the impressions of the youth book that I got publised
-
-
Definitely full of longing and disparaged need. I love the emotion in this poem. My primary qualm is the colloquial tone of this poem. I feel you could sharpen the words. Poetry seems more like a sad story when it's written as prose or a rant. If you use flowery words, you can make the poem more appealing, and better.
I do love the emotional impact of this poem. It's gut wrenchingly beautiful. The images are nice and the pain is quite evident. Nice job and good luck. -
Oh so much longing and love... I like this..
All the best! -
-
thank you
-
-
I like this. there is a lot emotion there. good poem.
-
-
thank you, I tried my best on this one
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
