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Contaminated Civilization

You watered revelation
with liquidized war;

 

destined flooding
of the future-

 

(human excrement
adorning beach resorts)

 

postcard sights were
the only things flushed
down time’s toilet-

 

priorities got lost

in the wasted options

 

whilst the fumes

of consequence

kicking buckets

of your porcelain ego;

 

Flower pedals wilted

from bombs blowing up,

 

but like surviving roaches  

after being exposed

to nuclear radiation,

 

only malodorous weeds

grow over society’s

septic tank.

 

 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    September 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    L12 a comma after "consequence" or a little re-word to help it make better sense.
    Otherwise this is good to go lil bro

  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    July 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    L16 makes for some interesting imagery "Flower pedals wilted", is it a typo or am I needing sleep again?
    Other than that, this is an excellent piece indeed. Thanks for sharing. Laura x


    • Tangled Angle
      July 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I'm going to have to wait until i win the gold membership before i edit this.. lol.. or else it will mess up the font, also a whole bunch of computer-language stuff will come up.. Yep, it will. It's happened to me before.


    • Tangled Angle
      July 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Lol nope you are right.

      Thanks for the correction and comment.


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    July 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was really erm dark and guesome...im gonna be squimish for ages now..i have images in my head. this was gripping though. a powerful write well done


  • Hadji Murad
    July 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is haunting and lovely, and so real. The images are gruesome and so epically beautiful. I love the theme, and the conclusion is gripping and raw. This is enthralling. So wonderful and powerful.


  • intanglio2ring
    July 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Woah!

    Wonderful entry - and you're the first to start off this contest!
    You'll be hard to catch!
    Quite the vision (holds nose)
    The best to you in the contest!
    Tang

1 - 8 of 8