Frustration,
I must compensate with
self mutilation,
will release me from
self constructed shadows.
Shadows
hanging from
empty light fittings in my head,
I thought it was me,
swaying,
hanging.
Then it was gone.
My shadows were gone.
Turning
over and over,
twist the knife
into my thoughts
and watch them bleed.
Smile as if
taken by your innocence,
realize it was not innocence,
but ignorance
and I painted you
with the brush of my imagination.
Falling,
lying face-down
in my own shit,
satisfied.
But now I claw
my way back up,
but just for a second,
just for the sweetest moment,
I thought that I was God
and then I thought,
that I was gone.
2/12/93
Author notes
Again, from 1993. Memory isn't too clear on this one, it is rather formless again, but I am almost positive that these are lyrics written for something.
A contest entry
- *L.o.s.t, H.u.r.t.&&C.o.n.f.u.s.e.d* by Logans-Mommy.
500 points, ended August 2, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anybody welcome by Para-Dressage.
345 points, ended August 17, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Dark Writes Here (Series - II) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
1500 points, ended March 27, 2008, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Personal Writes Here (Part IV) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
900 points, ended May 24, 2008, 208 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This made me feel so very sad... thought provoking, but sad. It's simple but yet complex, due to the topic... I thought you mastered this well.
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Thanks. Again, an old piece. You think, the longer you go on that you can break out of the cycle of depression, or self hate, though I know now that is not the case. Bouts don't necessarily last as long now as they used to in the past, but they are far more intense.
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woah i like this alot is very thoughtfull. simple but swett and effective. it conveys a sense of hopelesssness and a feeling of being lost a very nice write. thank you for entering.
~Valen~
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Thank you. As I said elsewhere, I tried to keep a short, fractured nature to the tempo and flow of this one to not only reflect the emotion and thoughts behind it, but also to simulate each line coming quickly, like a gasping breath.
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Very nice though seemingly fractured thoughts thoughts. A bit depressing. It appears as if the thoughts are of self and seeking the answer to the question "Who am I" or "Why am I here?" Perhaps thoughts of suicide. Either way, very powerfully written. I would think that the scattered thought pattern was intentional. Well done.
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Suicide and depression are very strongly behind this piece. It was written more as lyrics and the fractured and abrupt nature of the writing here is very much what I was going for, both stylistically and as a form of thought, trying to reflect the shattered nature of my thinking when such a depression strikes.
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...very scattered, hard to follow.
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Thank you for your comment.
A thought to consider though, consider it might have been intentional, to try and get the reader to think, rather than just take the lazy route and hand everything on a plate to the reader?
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This is a powerful portrayal of emotions here. great flow of words, loved it. keep writing cause you know how to - even if this poem is "old"!
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Thank you. This one was rather depressing, even in comparison with a lot of my other writing and it stands up reasonably well to my writing today.
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i like this =]
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Many thanks. It's an odd old piece this one.
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