“give me a sunrise, please.
a spring sunrise, to watch
daisies and pansies climb
from beneath the sleepy dew.
to hear birds twitter morning
into newborn birches,
and to look at the blue hills
cradling the sun.
or a summer daybreak, sir,
if you please.
to feel the air gather salt
as a peaceful sea awakens
to the cry of gulls. or,
sir, let me rise
to a golden autumn morn,
if you have one of those.
to feel the shadow of frost give way
to the light,
and to run out in the pink-tinged pasture
towards the harvest.
or, sir,
give me a winter dawn,
I would like that too. to
see the sharp kiss of the sun
reflect in every icy branch, so bright
it makes me close my eyes again.
so, sir,
please give me a sunrise.
you’ve one in your pocket.”
A contest entry
- Poems for my wall by Lauren Noir.
650 points, ended August 31, 2007, 83 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
God bless, Oksana
Comments
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"give me a winter dawn" etc. I could almost feel the morning in there. a pleasure to read.
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Thank you Ronnica!
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Beautifully Stated,
If I were the Lord, and thankfully I am not, I would have to give you a sunrise. Just for the beautiful way in which you asked, matter of fact for the 4 equally beautiful ways you asked. Each paragraph contained strong imagery applicable to each season being highlighted. Excellently Done! Many Thanks for entering!
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Thank you PureCountry! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. I've been pretty busy lately.
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This is beautiful
Just beautiful
I LOVED the ide aof talking to someone, it really worked well, it just was so beautiful
You explored so many beautiful moments, all with beautiful individuality
It really worked like that, you described so many aspects of it and I saw it all
And the last line
"you’ve one in your pocket.”
Perfect
I loved this
Well done, it really is beautiful
Good luck
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Beautiful pastural imagery. The kind i totally relate to. Priceless words, lavish metaphors, a productive land in seasons. Love these lines the most but All are exceptional =
to a golden autumn morn,
to feel the shadow of frost give way
to the light,
The writing influences the path to serenity and fruitful happenings. Very peaceful pic. Exclusive poem.
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Thanks Cherchezlafemme! I've always felt drawn to the country, but never actually been in anything but a big city, so this was straight out of my imagination. It's so great to hear that I managed to capture that pastoral feeling!
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You gave us many amazing sunrises
My first impression was I wanted to read it again so I could enjoy the words tripping inside my head. Favorite parts...hmmm...your use of sir I think is what makes this poem special and takes it to another level of expression that moves the reader. It is so perfect the only thing that you may do...I rethought and decided - nope wouldn't work with that change.
Love the succession of seasons and the choice of things from each season to highlight.
If I were a teacher of poetry this one would be an A plus.
Penquinpoet
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Thank you for your wonderful words, Penquinpoet! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
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I adore this write..its so beautiful..I love the imagery in each and every line..
Peace and best wishes with this entry..
~A~ -
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Thank you very much!
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Very good
You were kind enough to read and comment on one of my pieces, so I thought I would return the favor. This is a beautifully crafted work of art. Your imagery is well structured and quite vivid, an accomplishment that requires talent. In addition, I see an underlying spiritual componet that adds a deeper and more complex dimension to what is already a prize winner.
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Thank you so much for your kind words! I first wrote this when I was 12, with the [silly] goal of just making it sound whimsical and mysterious so other people would like it. (At that time I wrote more to please others than to express myself). There was no spiritual meaning to it. But since then, it has evolved into something really special to me -- a representation of my conversations with God. So I rewrote it a little and I'm so glad you liked the final product! Thank you and God bless.
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Hmm, this is such a lovely poem. The imagery is very vivid, and the words very well chosen. The poem has a great flow, and really draws the reader in. There is a certain calm atmosphere about it, which I absolutely adore as well. I think that the way the poem is addressed -- (to God?) -- really adds a lot to it. In my opinion it makes the poem more personal, and enables the reader to "listen in" to a very private, yet beautiful moment.
I also like the little twist in the ending a lot. It's not so much giving the whole poem a new turn, but adding a little smile, and maybe a little lightness to the otherwise rather majestic and awe-inspiring scenery (I mean, nature in its full glory etc.)
All in all a really well-crafted poem with beautiful imagery, and a great flow and enjoyable tone. Well done!
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Thank you for your wonderful comment! It's words like yours that keep me going!
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