My hands tremble to the tune
of what lies beneath tons of
slate-gray marble, to illuminate
misted realms in ethereal ascent,
whilst phantom touches lie amidst
screams of ghostly tales untold.
Wispy apparitions cling to eerie
echoes from specters unseen, plagued
by haunting dreams of undead spirits,
cloaked in shadows, long forgotten.
I fall into the depths of terror with
lightning speed and precision.
Spherical balls of light aloft, prancing
about shoveled graves like fireflies,
smother me, as I slip into a trance-like
state, shaken to my core by disembodied
whispers, forever etched in shades of twilight.
Stares of ice blue pierce my lungs, squeezing
me breathless, ne'er a moment's respite.
Gnarled fingers crack my neck in an iron grip,
like twisted masses of dead twigs entangled
'round flesh blazing, succumbing to shrills of
teeth gnashing in retribution's bloodied wake.
This night, incessant screams crucify my
ear drums, remnants of a long-dead woman
scorned, entwined in my gut. She creeps where
weeping willows gather, arms tangled, raised
in harsh rebellion, aching for tortured souls to
bathe with her in eternal visions of torment.
Dare I escape one who has been scorned?
My very spine quakes in seizure, sheathed in
droplets of liquid fear, boiling into oblivion's
nightmare of condemnation, separating itself
from my mind, body, and soul in swift retreat.
Author notes
Prompt: dead air
When I was in elementary school, my friends and I often dared each other to roam through a graveyard behind our school during recess. I don't think any of us ever got past the playground teacher, though. However, we often boasted that we did. Of course, each of us always had to come up with some outlandish stories to spook the other kids. My friend, Bobby, scared the heck out of me with a story of this "phantom woman with glowing blue eyes." He claimed that she would trip kids when they would walk by her grave. Bobby told me that he and his sister camped out there overnight, and almost got pulled into her grave. Being a gullible kid, I believed him. It's funny what kids will do when they want to scare the living shit out of you.
I am always open to critical reviews, as long as they're constructive.
A contest entry
- I is for INVITE....BLUE REW PLAYS FAVORITES....on way to Z by Blue Rew.
1480 points, ended July 31, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - shock me, PLEASE! (been extended) by Jiyo.
3000 points, ended August 10, 2007, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write about almost anything you want. by TheDevilInYourHead.
430 points, ended August 23, 2007, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - whatever you want by Anonymous Shadow.
600 points, ended October 1, 2007, 119 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POEMS AND LYRICS ONLY by crystallynnbradford.
365 points, ended September 18, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Madison Mary.
1000 points, ended September 18, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES ONLY by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended September 28, 2007, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT YOUR PRE-WRITES THAT HAVE A HM TROPHY by esroddo.
475 points, ended October 2, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's A Contest... For Poetry. Whoah by Exodus.
600 points, ended November 5, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dead Air by Danna Hobart.
550 points, ended June 25, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SCARE MY PANTS OFF! by Jade.Butterfly.
1800 points, ended July 10, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkwrite by darkyinsoul.
550 points, ended July 16, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE WRITE MADNESS!!! AHHH! by Vintage Chiffon.
625 points, ended July 16, 49 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
-
Welcome to the dark side
You wrote in this genre like you've
been doing it all of your life!
I am impressed! (as always)
Love your word choices
-- scary and thrilling
Congrats on the shiny
and may many more fill
your pages!
A great write!
Thanks for sharing
~Pastel
-
Thank you for sharing your wonderful poem
You have made it to the finals
I am going to take some time and re-read in depth
with a score of my own (and for myself to see)
On where everyone should be based at and placed.
-Damien
-
-
I'm honored by your comments on this, Damien.
I first wrote it a couple of years ago, and recently revised it. It was my very first dark poem. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the honorable mention.
Don -
-
You are most welcome indeed.
You deserved it.
I am definitely more brought forth to rhyme,
and I'm telling you if this was Rhyme you would have blown
away with a gold...BUT NONE THE LESS!!! This was perfect
for the free verse and I was honored to have you in my contest. -
-
Thanks again!
You've inspired me to write another dark piece. I can rhyme a lot better than I could when I wrote this poem initially.
Don -
-
WOOT WOOT! lOl
Good. I love inspiring people
Let me know when you are done with that piece
-
-
-
-
-
Extremely detailed
Which formed excellent imagery
Thank you so much for sharing this
and good luck in my contest
-Damien -
Excellent imagery
your flow superb
welcome to the finalists
good luck to you
Darky*wilted_rose8 -
great
this is fantastic
all the way through
well done
really enjoyed this alot
good luck in contest -
Spine tingling
Awesome poem chilling I loved it well written and told
Good luck in the contest.
-
Chilling and intense.
Very nice imagery you gave. Spooky and it gave me the shivers!
Great write. -
Beautiful piece with a chilling picture too that grabbed me , the part when it grabs you and squeezs tight phew i know that i felt as tho you were relaying my night fear and even playing in the cemetary .. so i really like this one good luck in the contest and thanks for sharing
-
It is very interesting to see the variety of different things the prompt sparked. This is very dark. Thank you for entering.
-
-
You're very welcome.
Your prompt gave me a good excuse to revise this one. I'd been wanting to, and the prompt helped me to make it better.
Don
-
-
Outstanding...
Loving the darkness here, you wield it so very well...
Compelling narrative that flows gracefully with some great wordplay/choice/use & wonderful use of imagery & metaphor...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
-
-
Thank you!!
I know how well versed you are in dark poetry, so this comment made me smile from ear to ear. I like to dabble in so many different genres. I'm a fan of the classic horrors, and have been an avid reader of true ghost stories since I was 13, so this was really fun to write, thinking back to my friend, Bobby Wimmer, who tried to scare the shit out of me more than once when we were kids.
I'll be reading more of your work when I get my computer back online. I have to pay my bill, so it's turned off, dang it.
Don
-
-
Congratulations first off on all the trophies won with this one.
I am spooked of graveyards I had to walk by one in the dark once and ehhh man was it scary keep thinking something was following me. This poem is very spooky as well great write
-
-
Thank you so much, Cara!
Wow, you went to town on reading my poems tonight! I will definitely be returning the favor tomorrow. I just got home from school, and am completely wiped out. It's funny reading this poem again. It was my first dark poem, and I still love to read it. It creeps me out every time I read it. My friend, Bobby, was always telling me stuff to spook me when we were kids. I believed him every time. He got me really good with his sister's Ouija Board. He moved around that little planchette like it was possessed, and I almost pissed my pants. Good memories.
Don
-
-
Absolutely beautiful descriptions! I was blown away from the first line by your metaphor and use of language. It's really great to see someone who has utilised more than one poetic device. I loved the feel of this, and the flow from one stanza to another. Thank you and good luck
-
Ohhh... congrats on the three honorable mentions and the gold trophy. Nice! This really deserves gold I believe... The honesty and ... raw, morbid detail just amazed me! I think my favorite line was:
"Wispy apparitions cling to eerie
Echoes from specters unseen, plagued
By haunting dreams of living spirits,
Cloaked in forgotten shadows."
Such clever word choice and so much passion. I love it! -
-
Thank you so much, Tarja.
This was my very first dark write, so I was just thrilled to get a silver on it. It's funny, because I wrote most of this in broad daylight at a playground while I was with my kids, who were playing around on the monkey bars. I guess you could say that I really love to read ghost stories. This went through several re-writes. The original version wasn't as detailed. Eventually, I want to write a ghostly novel, so this is good practice. Knight70
-
-
All i can say about this one is....**shivers uncontrolably** brilliant...!!!
-
Very spooky and wonderful. Great write. I love the rhythm and flow of it. Keep up the great work, and good luck in the contest
-
Wow, this poem is really amazing and brilliantly written. Your free verse is really fantastic, and this was just a delight to read. There are far too many marvelous lines and images to repeat here, suffice it to say that the entire piece was superb. Best of luck in the contest with this fabulous poem.
Mercury Rising -
-
Thank you so much, David.
This was my very first ghostly piece. I really enjoyed writing this for one of Blue Rew's contests over the summer. I got so freaked out when my friend, Bobby, told me about this woman with glowing blue eyes back in 5th grade. He told me about how he and his sister camped out there overnight, so I thought it would be fun to let my 5th grade self camp there overnight, too.
It's odd, because this particular cemetery is so peaceful to me, now. My mom is buried at that same cemetery. I've gone there many times to visit my mom's gravesite, and I will sometimes glance back at the trail where we used to wander during recess. We had such vivid imaginations at that age. I'm glad that you enjoyed this poem.
-
-
i can visualize it!
Very good, i can see the woman as i read and what she is doing. Good job and good luck in the contest!
-
-
Thank you kindly.
It's really fun to write in this genre from time to time. When I was little, my big sister used to scare the heck out of me with a tale of a haunted hotel. We would huddle beneath a blanket in the backyard after dark, and she'd tell us stories that would leave us quaking in our skivvies for days. Great memories!
Don
-
-
This too reminds me of younger years and tales that would be told (not to mention more direct experiences in later years). Very well written tale, nails the creepyness right on the head.
Good write.
-
Today is my lucky day!
I won a silver today for my Loch Ness poem, too! Thank you!! Knight70
-
A haunting and flighting write
Excellent piece of horror, just what I was looking for. I truely enjoyed your tale, Amazing intriguing and very well written. thanks for entering and good luck. I am really sorry that this write has been over looked for so long. LISA
-
smiling....
This one still scares me, too. That cemetery behind my elementary school was where some of us used to wander at recess. There wasn't a fence, or anything. My friend, Bobby, claimed that he camped there overnight. I, like your average 10 year old, believed him, and all of the crazy stories he came up with. He told me that his sister had a seance there, too. I believed that one, too. Ah, to remember the gullibility of childhood.
-
I still love this..although I may need to sleep with the lights on..lol
Peace
~A~ -
I can relate to this because my family's favorite passtime (( years ago )) was sitting around the old Fireplace and listening to DAD, tell us ghost stories about the old grave yard. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
-
-
Thank you.
I'm so glad you could relate this to memories of your dad's ghost stories. Those are the memories that live forever.
-
-
I love this. It is very creepy and has a sense of mystery. I can almost picture a mist hovering over a cemetary as a child goes through it. As if on a dare. You have managed to write a creepy mystery with a hint of childlike wonder and fear. I always loved it when my dad would tell me tales of swamps and alligators and cemetaries with glowing fireballs. Thank you for sharing. Loved it from beginning to end.
-
-
Thanks so much.
I am glad that you enjoyed this. Your dad told fun tales.
-
-
lovig it loving it loving it....you've grabbed my attention with this eery inspiration...I loved everything about this piece
-
-
Thank you so much!
I wrote this a few months ago, but I went back and revised some of it yesterday. I really like this revised version better than how I previously wrote it. It was my first spooky poem that I had ever written, so I am so pleased that you enjoyed it. That made my day to see your comments on it. I'm going to be e-mailing this to my friends and family for Halloween this year. Many of my friends and family don't even know I write, other than my wife and kids.
-
-
Wow I really like this spooky Thank you for sharing this piece with me. It is really good. Congrats on the Hm to.Best wishes and much love.
-
-
Thanks.
It was my first spooky piece, so I'm thrilled with it. Blue Rew had a contest where you had to use a title of a movie. She had a long list, and I chose The Haunting, with Liam Neeson and Catherine Zeta-Jones. It was fun to work a completely new twist into the title.
-
-
You've have given suspense a life within these lines.
There is no pause, no slowing of the intense atmosphere. You bring a supernatural power alive.
Blue -
This piece here is masterful. You sure can tell a story. smiling... The way you described the images here, so vibrant and life like despite the theme very realistic and I can even say beautiful... well done my dear!
luv
Jamila
-
-
Thank you, Jamilla.
This was my first spooky piece, so I'm pretty happy with it. It creeps me out still, so I guess I did allright.
-
-
you sure did
-
-
-
Exceptional
Wow, this is just a remarkably evocative and atmospheric poem, with a very well-placed, interesting vocabulary, assonance and alliteration,and replete with moody and arresting imagery. Keep up the marvelous work!
David Michaels
-
-
Thanks, David.
I entered this in one of Blue Rew's contests. I used the movie, The Haunting, as the prompt for this, although this poem is not related to the poem, but it is based on the rantings of my childhood friend's wild imagination.
-
-
This was really good and held the mystery throughout the piece. I had friend who did the graveyard thing, it never really appealed to me..guess I was a chicken..lol
I enjoyed this alot.
Soulful Woman
-
-
Thanks, Noreen.
Aren't we all "chicken" to some degree?
-
-
while i read this i couldent help thinking of a graveyard, and then i thought of a grave digger being buried alive and beaten with his one shovel by this woman with the blue stare ( dont know where that came from) but this could be interpreted in many different ways, but it is sure to be creepy every time, nice
-
-
Thank you so much.
I am glad that I left it kind of open to interpretation. It did what I was hoping it would then.
-
-
You use your art well...having gripped the reader in a vice-like fist you proceed to paint images of graveyards and spectres, drifting in the gloom of terror!. Bravo
-
-
Thank you, cutie pie!
That's such a great comment!! I am so glad that you enjoyed this one. It's my spookiest piece.
-
-
Very well written. I can tell
you not only draw cartoons, but you
have a talent for drawing in the reader
with the images you create with words.
Scary...a little...haunting? Definitely.
Love, Lane
-
-
Thank you!
That just made my day. It's a twist to go from being a silly cartoonist to writing poetry, but it's so much fun. As much as I love to draw cartoons, writing poetry seems to give me something that cartooning doesn't. I can't explain it, since I've only been writing poetry for such a short time.
-
-
a twisting, flowing tale of something almost indescribable...vague; and all the more frightening because of it. You paint images well with words that draw the reader in, to hold them tight & spellbound.
thanks so much for writing this! Blue
-
WOW..This is so dramatic.
I was drawn into every line..
I adore the way your words seem to twist..yet flow so very well each one complimenting the other..
Best wishes with this entry..
Bravo..
Peace
~A~
-
-
Thank you so much.
That just made my day. I've never written anything like this. I've just been writing poetry for a few months, and I usually write about nature, so this was a "twist" for me to write, but it was very fun to write.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 58 of 58
