Really I wanted to fictionalize the words.
Really ...
I was too lit on liquid influence.
Malti-fascinated in swirls of absent mind control.
Loose as the day drained by with efforts,
No one was there to put me in my place.
Like a race
I downed one after the other,
ignoring the rules of the walking clinic called "Mother".
I had no reason to fictionalize the words.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Awsome peice here, absolutly loved it. Very original. I loved this part imparticular:
"Malti-fascinated in swirls of absent mind control.
Loose as the day drained by with efforts,
No one was there to put me in my place"
This is really well doen!!!! -
wow, very interesting, i like this piece..
great write
i like the:
"I had no reason to fictionalize the words."
best wishes, keep on writing
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This is a really great piece; you have a really abstract word choice which made this interesting to read-but I feel like there was a lot that could maybe be shaved off. The emotions of this were clear and strong. In response to your comment you made on my piece; I would love to write with you sometime!
Amanda
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dang i like this. Felt every word. very real very emotoinal. nicely done. good luck in your contest.
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i get something different everytime i read this.
i.e. a beer a jack daniels a rum n coke etc etc.
I like it
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