The train came early
that morning,
and the torturous weather
was hitting my pink patent rain hat
and wetting my face,
instead of tricking down
the other side of the window -
beautifully.
I cursed the incompetent watch
that owned the train driver,
that morning.
Had it been synchronised with mine
I’d have been reclining comfortably,
and dosing as I passed
the storm blown trees.
But, the reality
was chilly and sodden,
and time became satire
as the rain slowed down the
seconds.
The later train was [always]
almost around the corner.
But the will of my frustration
wasn’t quite enough to edge
the train into sight.
After all,
if the train came early
that morning
some poor bugger would be
left stood in the rain.
It was then that I saw
two misty eyes.
The train had arrived.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Via Shameless
♀I love the descriptive words, it is so excellently detailed☼ -
Nice Descriptive Elements
I love the imagery in the first stanza. You have created pictures of wet pink hats and the way rain looks on the other side of a window. I like how simple the piece is, describing a moment in time rather than emotions. (Unless the entire thing is a metaphor, which I doubt). -
Via shameless
"It was then that I saw
two misty eyes."
I like those lines. They really painted a picture. Good imagery, and the flow was nice. I felt like I myself was standing there in the rain, waiting for the train to arrive. Very well written! -
I liked this a lot!! It was written very well and I liked the tone. You did a wonderful job!
~Michaela~
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