Oh dearest;
you are the eve to me ,
Before anyone else existed
It had always appeared to be,
only us.
Brought up from the same clay,
A piece of each other within,
Placed in some obscure way.
Just us, the only the two who wandered alone,
Oblivious to impurities and anguish
Separated in Eden of our own.
But serpents will slither,
With their venomous roots,
Spreading godly perceptions,
Based on forbidden fruits.
Temptations to high curiosity too much,
Seeming divine,
Yet knowing not to touch.
With every bite you will take in,
Your eyes will expand,
Yet so will our sin.
And while the lord may forsake you,
I implore that you do not wallow.
Even in the greatest of descent,
I will surely follow.
I would consume the sin
Abandoning our Eden too,
For what is my life to be
If in perfection there is no you.
So if by chance when you're numb,
And the pain seems far too great.
You can crucify me like your Christ,
If you want I will bear the weight.
I will cleanse of your sin,
I will set you free.
You may never be perfect again,
But could be happy...
On account of me.
Author notes
I would give a proper explaination on this, but to be perfectly honest...my feelings are jumbled.
Just know that at the time i was thinking about: Adam & Eve's downfall, How badly i miss someone, and How i'd do anything to make for that same person.
Give Me Anything...I will take it.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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"But serpents will slither..."
Indeed, they will.
And, while the concept of giving up heaven to be with the one you love is not a new one, it's still powerful.
"You can crucify me like your Christ..."
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Oh. This is a nice poem that you have going on in here.
I like the whole Adam and Eve thing and I think that's a good metaphor in showing your devotion and your feelings for someone. It sounds like you are sad in your author notes. I hope that writing this brought you some relief. You did a good job of expressing yourself.
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'Eve'..
some nice words you put together here and made it a lovely read...some parts are better then others and i would like toquote them but no doubt someone else has already....
and i thank you for the weaving of these words and for sharing them with us all here as well.... -
"I would consume the sin
Abandoning our Eden too,
For what is my life to be
If in perfection there is no you."
I love this part for it shows that you truly care for this person. it is very well written. i love how you used Adam and Eve as the two people. For they are truly classics that everyone can remember. Keep up the great work.
~:~Tiffany~:~
. Rewarded 6
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good work. I really like the way you wrote it sort of about Adam and Eve... I like the reference to the Bible and to Christ... good work. keep it up!
Crimson -
creative. beautifuly writen. it was kinda like a love story, sad, but a touch of hope at the end. kinda like no matter what happens as long as we got each other every thing will be okay. great write.
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A POWERFUL PIECE
i enjoyed reading it every word is placed perfectly the imagery was fantastic thank you for sharing this -
This has a lovely flow and a feeling of sacrifice and forbidden love. A very good write. Excellent use of vocabulary. Well done.
. Rewarded 4
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A touching piece of work. Just some points: "You're eyes" should read "Your eyes " "your numb" should be "you're numb". "bare the weight" should read as "bear the weight". Shame to spoil nice work with errors.
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Romantically cosmic!
I’d do the same as you. Un-forgiveness is the most sapping decision we can make; especially when we exercise it against our true love. However; there is a cosmic moral problem in the idea that we put romantic love above God; it’s sort of like putting creation above its creator. I think this is exactly what happened in Eden … and exactly what was expected. Irresistible creaturliness can only be resolved by irresistible grace. Nice work. Very nice work. -
Very interesting work. I love these lines
With every bite you will take in,
You’re eyes will expand,
Yet so will our sin.
and...
I would consume the sin
Abandoning our Eden too,
For what is my life to be
If in perfection there is no you.
I could definitely tell that you were having very passionate feelings toward someone. Well done.
. Rewarded 6
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this is really nice, i liked it
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adam and eve...what's up your sleeve??
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Great write, extroidinary. This is so sweet, I love the feelings you put into this. Great job, keep up the good work.
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I love, first of all, how your ideas and thoughts about Adam and Eve and your own emotions towards someone came together like this. "but serpents will slither" a wonderfully worded, clever, and true line. Blends in well with where you placed it in the poem too. "you may never be perfect again, but could be happy...on account of me." A wonderfull ending that ties it all up...but still leaves the possibility of a new beginning. Loved it
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A beautiful poem full of longing and devotion to loved one. To be so in love that you would forego paradise to be with them. The flow is wonderful as is the imagery. Well Done. Loved it.
. Rewarded 4
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Beautiful
If you have not already I recommend you see the movie What Dreams May Come. Your piece makes me think of it. Love this true, a love that is so deep and real that you would leave paradise for it is a rare gift for the one lucky enough to have it. I just hope they see the gift for what it is.
. Rewarded 6
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But serpents will slither,
With their venomous roots,
Spreading godly perceptions,
Based on forbidden fruits...
...that's just a wonderful little piece there...this is good.
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