you showed
in a stream of subconcious recollections
back to the first night on the run, the night
you had your very first hit of heroine
and colors were more prevalent
than people in the world
words were soldiers carrying guns
the biggest mouth
and strangest accent
you ever heard
you thought you were a hero
and as though you were saving me from some very bad decision
and you thought you were an activist
promoting something new
as though the table had never seen its face
before
you thought that maybe that was everything
there'd ever be worth living for
it was narcisissm, it was war and it was nothing
in the end of it all
so now that we're in harmony
and we're at opposite ends of the spectrum
maybe i can understand you better
now that we share no common ground in it all
maybe that's worth winning
maybe that's what's waiting on our call
the little light that just swarms and swarms
at the end of the hall
yeah it was heaven, it was dark and it was something
but i couldn't really tell
at all
Author notes
help.
i need to find out what it's called when you close your eyes, and you see colors and shapse and stuff. you know, if you're eyes are closed and are looking towards light you see brighter colors such as reds, pinks and oranges. blue and purple when you're in a darker room with closed eyes. almost like you are looking in a kaleidoscope.
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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oh my god, this is sooooo clever....
'words were soldiers carrying guns
the biggest mouth
and strangest accent
you ever heard'
AND
'you thought you were a hero
and as though you were saving me from some very bad decision'
This is soooo amazing. You really do have a heck of a way with words.
Oh and the name of the light thingy you see when your eyes are closed hasnt got a name. Its just light seeping through eyelid skin.
hugs
xxxxxx
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do you mean like..when you look at the light..and then you close your eyes and see the light..but in a sort of inverse color?
"yeah it was heaven, it was dark and it was something
but i couldn't really tell
at all"
I want to eat this....
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nice write.
Not sure what the technical terms are for the "bleeding" or "halo" effect when light is present. Those black dots that appear within the eye are called (un-poetically) floaters, and the spontaneous flashes of light when a medical issue are termed photopsia. If you ever get those lightening flashes in your eye, they are a form of ophthalmic migraine.
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That's not called anything. It's just the thinness of your eyelids letting light comb through.
I like the piece. Last stanza was my favorite. -
if my mind had salivation glands, it would water. As for now, my mouth must make up for it.
I love your writing.
[and i don't know the name for that. I always figured it didn't need one, unless of course you want to write about it ]
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Justin, you're beautiful.
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I always wonder if the things I see with my eyes closed have a name as well. I loved this piece. Something totally fresh and original for me. I just loved the end. Nice work,
Creatress -
holy heck. feel like ive read this before...but maybe thats only because i was waitin for it! where you been? you have lovelies for me to read, i shall enjoy.
ill come back with a better comment later...i just woke up and the way i slept i think i made my right leg shorter cuz im leaning to side as i walk. lol. sad.
blu
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Always worth the read. Always worth the return. Thanks again.
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OOO forgot these
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I think that happens to everyone... But it's funny how you wrote it. I think it happens because to light intensity... you know, low light intensity to high light intensity--- and the retinal cells go all gaga.
I agree with Stepmom[Celticmoon], I don't know whether you'd believe me or not, but I brag about you to my friends
I know J....
I am a bit cuckoo today, excuse me.
Take care -
A Compelling Write!
Very provocative in its word usage and imagery. You're so unique. I know all writers are here, but you're a leader in being unique. I don't know why I don't read yours more; I could learn so much.
As for the condition you mention in your notes: I think doctors call that a head injury-LOL! (Just kidding...) I had that happen when I hit my head.
I maybe still suffering. Nah! Then I would have written this. Not!
Excellent work!
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thank you very much for the compliment, and hahaha about the side comment.
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I think that happens to everyone. If not everyone, all the AP people have just gone nuts
The first part of the second stanza, to me, was the best part... I really liked the ideas here...
Wonderful work.
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J you truly have a knack for grabbing your reader with the very first line and just pulling them in deeper with each that follows.
Reading your work helps to remind me why I enjoy reading poetry as I do. You, in my humble opinion, have truly earned the title of 'Poet'. There is no question of your talent as it radiates down the page with each piece you pen. Superb!
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wow, thats' one of the greatest compliments ever. thank you.
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I know the feeling.
I have that.
I don't know about the shapes or whatever, but my teacher had a "disorder"
in which she saw words in color.
I shall loook it up and see...and link later.
Bahaha.
Onto the poem:
The poem has a really nice flow and a "burnt-out cigarette feel"
to me anyway.
It's a little nostalgic with a sort of kick-ass pissed off feel to it,
but then there are underlying tones of recognition and acceptance.
So, this made my mind swim, which is wonderful.
I love the poem moui much, and think that I shall scurry over and read more,
Oh yes.
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thank you very much!
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(The disorder where you see words and taste colours is called synthesesia, or something very similar)
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These would make awesome lyrics. Unless of course they are lyrics. In which case, theyre just awesome.
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