i swallow
tiny velvet islands
desires that run rampant in a modern mind
that only wants what dimes once gave
a meal, a home, a heart left on the table
next to the bed
one mile from the road
where gas is cheap
and mornings don't bring anything
but warmth and revelrie
i smile down the sun
another shot of something strong
has pierced the side of letting by these things
i seem to bleed in words
i seem to fold when felt
i melt
In a list
Comments
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whoa whoa whoa
"i seem to bleed in words
i seem to fold when felt
i melt"
you say some of the most incredible things...really...
the opening is a killer too..it splashed upon my face
and woke me up into a dream
this is
incredible.
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excellent
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I fold when felt too. Never swallowed a tiny velvet island, but now I want to.
You've made me happy.
My favorite of yours. -
I'll never get tired of reading you.
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this is beautiful i love it
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I read this three times. J, you never fail to amaze me
I loved the warmth and dryness[note the difference] of this piece.
Well expressed
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i like how these thoughts seem to run together to create this intrigueing piece. well written, i love that there's no capitalizations. makes it seems much more real, less formal. these lines were very also very good
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
i smile down the sun
another shot of something strong
has pierced the side of letting by these things
i seem to bleed in words
i seem to fold when felt
i melt
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
great ending
-lys
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I really like the message in this poem and the last couple of lines are very sharp.
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I like the heart left on the table line, great phrasing and emotions with the ideas in this piece. Loved it.
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"i swallow tiny velvet islands" <--------PRICELESS!
I love that line. Makes me wish I had thought of it
would you mind if I borrowed it? With full credit of course
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go right ahead!
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I am so going to use that line for a contest prompt. I would love to see where others take it
Thank you
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You're amazing, Justin.
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awww, thank you very much.
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What the hell man.
What
the hell.
"i swallow tiny velvet islands"
I loved this alot.
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