Yes, I shall go with thee
but, remember no sweet maiden am I.
I will walk with you through,
the valley-depths, painted with shadows.
Yes, I will walk the lost path
with you, where the sun doesn't follow.
Where the lifeless lives with no light
but, remember no sweet maiden am I.
Into the flooded streams we'll go,
where the water rise like the ocean swells.
Where life will fade with yesterdays dreams,
into the mountains of the darken caves.
Yes, I shall go with thee,
where the lost of idenity, and
stolen familys live, our sisters
will not see us in this darkness.
But, remember no sweet maiden am I.
If the new death of life is for me,
I shall live with you and be the same.
Like shadows, where only lies light up the sky.
Author notes
blondone
My inspiration came from the intriguing invite into this darkness...
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/6287-John-Clare-An-Invite--to-Eternity
I could not pull off the same rhyme scheme or meter, but not for the lack of trying.
A contest entry
- The Random Rounds - Round 5 by Frodofan.
480 points, ended August 4, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Yes, to Eternity by blondone
Title - 8
Style - 8
Form - 8
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 8
Originality - 7
Reaction - 7
Rules - 10
Makes sense - 8
Enjoyable - 8
Total- 82
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Yes, to Eternity by blondone
Title - 9
Style - 8
Form - 8
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 7
Originality - 8
Reaction - 7
Rules - 10
Makes sense - 8
Enjoyable - 7
total- 82 -
Title - 10
Style - 7
Form - 7
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 10
Originality - 10
Reaction - 7
Rules - 10*
Makes sense - 10
Enjoyable - 8
Response Bonus - Yes - 5
Rhyme Scheme Bonus - No - 0
Meter Bonus - No - 0
Total: 94 -
Such a deep and dark write. Wonderful imagery and emotions. Good luck in the contest
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Nice reply to this original old poetry poem. Do not see many of them on this site. Nice to get this far in the rounds, wish you luck in the future ones too.
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Good
But, remember no sweet maiden am I.
If the new death of life is for me,
I shall live with you and be the same.
Like shadows, where only lies light up the sky.
A very different verse for you
not your usual insperation
Rick
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Wow this is a really good dark poem. I wish you good luck in the Random Rounds. Congrats in making it this far.
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Hey cool write for the Random Rounds! GOOD LUCK! I think this write definitely deserves a placement. I enjoyed this a lot, I forgot I reading a free verse there.
I captivated with each word.
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You must have gone deep to perform this imaginateive piece. In particular I liked the fourth stanza.well done
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Great
As some others have said im not a huge fan of dark poetry BUT there is some feel to it that makes it VERY interesting and enjoyable to read. Great job and best of luck in your writing future.
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Normally I'm not too fond of dark poetry, but yours is a beauty. Great imagery.
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This is a beautiful write full of imagery and feeling. Great title and I like the repeating line woven into the body of this work like threads in a wonderful tapestry.
Well done my bandit friend.
Dennis
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♥♥♥
This is good. Good luck in the contest. I like the fantasy element here. -
Great write. I love the repitition here. The topics is great. So is the wording I like the mideval feel.
"Into the flooded streams we'll go,
where the water rise like the ocean swells.
Where life will fade with yesterdays dreams,
into the mountains of the darken caves." I also love the image in this...
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I wonder if the poor fool knows what he's getting himself into with this fair damsel. Wonderful imagery throughout!
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Are you asking me to marry you? LOL
It's not about rhyme scheme it's about the emotion you put into writing. You have a lot. I love this poem. -
Still, a good job. I actually wrote a response poem to this piece when I first read it because I was so inspired. I hope you enjoyed it as a prompt. Thank you for entering! -
Trying is good and I think you have done a wonderful job of expressing through out this poem
thank you for sharing,
Love and Light
Frozentearz
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