I laid down one day
to observe the heavens
to see all of nature's wonderful
and mysterious ways.
Before dawn I lay,
waiting to catch sights worldly,
of the suns morning glory.
The rays crested the hills
and light came unto me through
the dark shadows of the trees.
I felt the light upon me even
though the sun I did not see.
I pondered at this mystery
of the light surrounding me.
I wondered, if I see the light,
knowing its round me,
should I not believe in the sun
just because it is not there
yet for me to see?
So I lay in earnest yearning
to see the source of the
light that quietly surrounded me.
Would the sun appear the bright
foretold?
Would it arrive in meekness or
quick and bold?
Then the sun did rise, though slowly,
as not to be a pain to my eyes.
Yes I see the crown on the eastern hill.
Tree branches reaching up to drink
their fill of the glory touching the hill.
When the sun revealed itself harsh to
my sight, I asked myself why i needed to shield
my eyes from such a glorious light?
Who could turn away from something so right?
Is there still a piece of
the puzzle about
the sun missing in me?
This I thought as I looked
toward the blue
of the sky, knowing I should be contented
in the light of the sun passing by.
Then I saw a cloud and wondered from
where it came. another mystery.
I'll wait and watch,
see what this cloud
might reveal to me.
I lay there praying something
new would come.
The sun topped the hill as
the cloud covered its face
like a veil allowing
me to see its glory reflected
in the cloud.
I lay there seeing
what I see.
I ask myself,"Is this the way its always been?"
Have I been blind
to all before? have I not
seen the sun and cloud,
the light before?
Have I been blind
all this time?
Will all my dawns be as glorious
as the one I now see?
Once in the light,
Does it ever leave?
Then a new thought caught my eye
as a lay looking up into the sky.
The light of the world filtered
its way through the trees,
I saw a leaf flying, not falling,
gently drifting, as if carried
by an invisible hand next to me.
The wind, I thought.
could it have been the wind that
brought the cloud to shelter
the light of the sun.
What meaning has this to
add to my story?
The wind I cannot see,
though I feel it next to me.
My own words tend to confound me.
Light, clouds, and wind,
wondering within me
if an answer is coming,
or do more mysteries begin.
Observing the heavens, feeling the wind.
could it be the comforter
which the sun foretold
to bring the cloud
that I may see
the sun.
A reflection
of life to be.
All is of glory,
sun, wind, cloud,
are one.
Author notes
just a thought. no please comment be glad for critique except for punctuation and capitalization. its a draft.
its the thought that counts. smile.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Unsung Prewrites by Shahrazad.
600 points, ended October 7, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - May the best poem win. by cover fire hero.
600 points, ended April 28, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Religion Anyone? by Luckintheshadows.
650 points, ended July 15, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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okay, I love this. The almost randomness of the thoughts, I love how they trail from one to the next....superb.
Thanks for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck. -
Stunning.
This is a very well written poem and am so glad that I had the chance to read it. Your use of the things in nature to represent your belief in God is absolutely stunning. I can not help but feel all this in my heart and mind. If we would all take time to ponder on the meaning of nature and it's relationship to our lives we would be amazed at the wonders that are there for us to view. The way you have designed this in context and placement of the lines make it a joy to read. Very good work and I wish you the very best in the contest.
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I am in awe..you have such a gift..such talent and I really hope to read more of your work. I am not often pleasently surprised by a persons poetic abilities, but you have really given me a reason to give people a chance. I love the flow though it breaks in a few places it is still a really well written piece
- Ðustin -
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I quite enjoyed this
Maybe in parts it didn't flow as well in other parts..But I still enjoyed it
Quiet well written and really to me doesn't need a whole lot to feel complete
Cindy
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Very nicely done reminds me of the style of some famous poet I cannot for the life of me remember, but then my brain cells aren't what they used to be either
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Well it seems like everyone else has taken the words right out off my mouth.. There was a very vivid image with your words and your flow was nice.. Which makes a good read.. Well done.and best of luck to you..
Jetleena
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Funny. I get this funny deja vu feeling here. I feel like I am looking in on myself as I read this. I feel like I should have written something like this, or that this is what I would write if I had any sort of plan to write it. Make sense? Of course not.
What I really loved was that particular feeling.
Capitalization. Ha.
Don't capitalize, Bukowski never did. I would probably trim it in some areas, but as far as content, wonderful..
Peace, and best wishes,
Jin
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Finalist
I think this was beautifully written, punctuation and things are over-rated sometimes. I think everything about this poem is brilliant.
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This one would have been perfect in my last contest all about poems on thoughts. I liked the random but yet not so random thought processes- how one thing leads to another. This one made me think and I'll have to even read it a 3rd and 4th time I'm sure just to soak it all in. Wordsworth would have loved this poem. Good job- thanks for entering this in the contest!
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images and painted pictures are what i seen as i read this
great work
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Well Alot To Digest.......................
here but in a good way!!! I like everything about this and the great thing is your readers can walk away with so many different meanings from your vast usage of metaphors!!! Myself though I walk away with the sense that you in fact were visited by God himself through this light. And though the sun and cloud and wind may or may not be one, but they were indeed created by one, God!!! Really!! It sounds like you were lying there asking God to send you something new and these things don't just happen without meaning. So take from that what you will but I believe he gave you these fabulous words and graced you with the ablility to write them in the form of poetry!!! Thanks for leading me to this piece and I am going to pray harder for God to reveal himself to me the way he demms neccessary for me to complete his will in my life!!!~~Toni~~
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hmm... this is really good. I don't think there's really anything that needs to be changed in it! good work! I really believe you did a great job on it! You put a very VIVID image in my mind of what you were seeing... good job! keep it up!
Crimson -
This is beautifully written. I love the way you have painted such a marvelous picture with your words. I love your use of metaphors. Very nicely written. Enjoyable reading. I wouldn't change it too much. It sounds fine. Tweak it a bit if you must.
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Great use of imagery. The light/dark metaphors were interesting. Very transcentdent and other-worldly. But don't get me started on punctuation and spelling... :just a joke: I actually enjoyed the structure of the poem itself, and I would change much if I were you. Sure it could use a bit of editing, but I think the actual balance of the poem would get thrown off if you decided to write it another way. I liked it, and thought it was nice. Good work, I hope to see more.
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profound
very profound i really enjoyed reading your poem i found in it two meanings the sun in the sky and the "son" in heaven it ties in so well together thank you for sharing it -
A cozy poem and full of serenity. A lot of invaluable work in the poem. It incites for more spectacular writing as we read. It makes you appreciate life in simple gifts. Beautiful
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Wow!
I really loved the structure of this poem! And of course, the poem itself!
"once in the light,
does it ever leave?"
For some reason, those lines really stood out to me. This is amazing, and I could actually picture some of this in my mind! You did a great job putting this together! Keep writing=] -
There is a message for anyone who cares to read these lines
personal and yet worldly the reader will only take what they want or need but they will find the quality of a well crafted poem thank you for the pleasure
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i can feel your thoughts coming in and filling your head but i now have that song blinded by the light .... rolled her in the night running through my head Thank yougggggrrrrrrrto be surrounded by the world all the beauty of nature made by whose hand yet it is up to you if you stay and enjoy the light or turn and walk away. this is a profound thought with a depth of lingering mind bends and twists.....and this is just a thought i am thinking a few people have had a similar thought laying on their back looking up
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