It was a nice place to be, adrift in dream,
my face nestled into the pillow, believing it to be
the soft hollow of your shoulder.
Mews and purrs, a scratchy cat tongue
on my cheek intrude,
coaxing me into reluctant waking.
I cling to solid images that now shape-shift
into vaporous tendrils
that float through my mind like ghosts.
Reaching out, my hand brushes silky cat fur,
not the expected roughness
of your unshaven chin.
The alarm clock sounds the death knell
of such indulgences
as I allow myself these days:
An aging woman who finds intimacy
in the captured dreams that lodge
in old memory cells,
To be safely summoned forth
in the comforting embrace
of darkness.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is truly lovely!!!! Wow you did such an excellent job with this piece its so very beautifully portrayed!!!!! I love the way that this is written!!!!! You gave such amazing and precise details and descriptions I love the way that you describe the cat and the sound of the alarm!!!! Very brilliant indeed!!!!! I love it!!!! Well done!!!!!
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Your Comment for "Coming Awake"
Thanks for taking the time to comment on my poem and for sharing your insights into the emotions and imagery. This was the result of an assignment to write a poem emphasizing the senses. I'm a 63-year-old woman who has had more than her share of romances throughout the years, but I don't currently have a significant other and called upon personal memories to write this poem. Life is good nevertheless, and I have loving friends and family surrounding me!
ML
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A beautiful piece that well portrays the dark feeling of isolation and the temporary comfort we receive in our dreams. A colorful vocabulary, the words flow together beautifully, depicting a feeling that every human being in the world will encounter. The first stanza was especially true...
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Thank you for your comments on "Coming Awake"
I'm very appreciative of your comments and insights into this poem. Although written from a personal perspective, it's been very rewarding to hear from you and other readers who identify with the feelings of loneliness that the poem evokes. To your point, loneliness in some form is a universal condition that touches everyone on some level at some point in life.
Warm regards, ML
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A brilliant piece, although admittedly I was slightly biased from the mention of cats (there great aren't they) Anyway, I thought you clearly had a huge vocabulary which you used to great effect in this piece; the best possible word was used every time, the examples "vaporous tendrils" and "death knell" come to mind.
I have virtually no criticisms of this piece, although I did think the phrase "silky cat fur" was perhaps to close to the former "scratchy cat tongue"; both are lovely bits of description, but the repition of cat was quite obvious, perhaps you were aiming for that.
Either way, this is a brilliant poem, look forward to reading more of your stuff.
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Your comments on "Coming Awake"
BR2, thanks for taking the time to comment on my poem in such depth and also for the suggestion regarding the two cat references. I'm going to take another look at it to refresh my own memory as to what my intention was! Of course, time has now passed and my perspectives/intentions could be somewhat different. This is one of the most mysterious things about poetry: a poem is never static, because the meaning constantly changes according to the subjectivity of its readers - and often the poet!
Warm regards, ML
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Poet
A most powerful right exposing our loneliness as we age. On the male side it happens also. Often in a dream state I find myselg reaching to cup a breast only to open my eyes to a crumpled pillow. But fear not your words are beautiful. happy writing.
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There is such sensual feel to this, had i been that dreamer then would i ever-sleep.
I once wrote... Love all you can when young, for the memories are so much better when old. Strange to me, that I feel that write to be in its rightful place here...
You have strength, yet such a softness in this write.
Beautiful...
Ron.
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Very sad write but wonderfully written i enjoyed reading could her a women's voice reading aloud in my head Great writing Great feel to the poem
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what is sometimes lost in life is relived and recreated in sleep ...and dreams...whether in sleep or while wide awake.. this is a very sad write indeed but i think one can avoid trying to relive the past by forgetting it...
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To be safely summoned forth
In the comforting embrace
Of darkness.
Wow..what a beauty of truthful flow and the touch of the openness is seen in your wonderful words...a deep verse revealing the truth of your soul and touching the depth of this life's philosphy my friend..your words are truely bringing a kind of the flow having a kind of revealation behind its presentation..well done..
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wow. this is great. I love how your words all flow together, and I especially love how everything is so well described in this piece, that you can actually picture exactly what's taking place.
great job.
it's very soft and meaningful.
i love it.
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There is such a tender feeling surrounding your words here. It almost makes me want to linger on the page for just a tad longer.
Very nice work. Pen on poet!
midnight lace -
Wow, that was a fast read, told very eloquently.
The conclusion leaves much to the imagination, and just suggests a outline. Great writing skill to have,
Bravo,
Jin -
I love the picture. To me this speaks of one reveling in the memories of a lover, while in the bliss of sleep. Awakening bringing reality. She cherishes sleep 'darkness', for their she can live in the memories. Great write. Thank you for sharing.
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Wow this is such a beautifully tender piece to warm the cockles of ones heart... well done on a beautiful portrayal of your feelings
Karen
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