Mi amor mi corazón,
No tengo canciones felices a cantar
Me duele el corazón
En mi dormitorió es la cama dondé
Tu primero mostró su amor por mi
Usted dijo que usted nunca adoraría
Por que hacen tu me miente
Y por que hacen le creo
Dígame apenas si su sobre
Mi amor mi corazón,
No tengo canciónes felices a cantar
Me duele el corazón
Cómo puedele dice que usted me adora
Cuando usted está nunca allí
No amor podría ser más verdaderno
Que el uno yo me siento por tu
Mi amor mi corazón,
No tengo canciónes felices a cantar
Me duele el corazón
TRANSLATION:
My love my heart
I have no happy songs to sing
My heart is hurting
In my bedroom is the bed where
You first showed your love for me
You said you'd never love another
Why do you lie to me
And why do I believe you
Just tell me if its over
My love my heart
I have no happy songs to sing
My heart is hurting
How can you say that you love me
When you are never there
No love could be more true
Than the one I feel for you
My love my heart
I have no happy songs to sing
My heart is hurting
Author notes
I think its just about finished now!!
ALSO I WILL RETURN THE FAVOUR, BUT IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, BUT I WILL RETURN ALL COMMENTS!! I PROMISE!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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good
Muy bueno, a good poem, keep writing
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nice i like it veary much! it seemed to come from the heart and it was ripe with raw emotion. i have been away from allpo for awhile and this was a good welcome back, its always lovely to read good poetry when youve been away from good litureature for so long. and if i hit the spot and this poem came from your heart i hope that you may heal and replenish and live strong. Thank You.
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Este poema es muy sincero y romántico. En cada línea usted puede conseguir un retrato claro de lo que usted dice. Quiero la manera el tono de los cambios del poema de la mitad primera a la parte de abajo. Usted tiene una manera agradable de escribir la poesía y yo gocé leer este pedazo. Es agradable ver un poema escrito en español. Por lo tanto yo concluiré con: Bien hecho.
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BRAVO
So sorry for the hurt inside you. May you heal and go forward with your life. You have said it the best in this poem how you really feel for her. remember God is always with you and he will help guide you. God Bless you.
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these rythms are matching up across the translation
Mi amor mi corazón
My love my heart
...only love my gentle heart ...
only saying because
I could almost sing the first piece through as a ballad
I don't know spanish
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love love love it
i adore this! i love spanish anyways..i only know some of it though.... but this is so good!
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Nice poem. It was really good.
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wow
That is so sad, i think we have all felt like this sometime in our lives. Anyway, this was a great read and an even better write!! great job!
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This piece of pure beauty is surely more than just awesome, it's flawless. When I think about it, there is no flaw that I can see, or recall. Ideal. Filled with tuns of emotions, which I admire and it's rather universal, in terms of spanish-english poetry. Real exotic, stanzas are just filled with lust and it is overall a perfect piece of work. Simply brilliant.
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sorry, i had to edit my comment because there was an inconsistency in tense in the second correction i made
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There are a few grammatical flaws to this that I wanted to point out since I speak Spanish.
me corazón duele--> you have to say me duele el corazón
tu primero mostró;--> por primera vez usted mostró;
Usted dijp--> dijo
used nunca --> usted? not sure if that was just a typo
The end of the second stanza is really oddly written.
It makes more sense to say:
usted nunca me adoraría;a a otra persona
¿por que me mientes?
¿y porque te creo?
dame si está; terminado.
again, at the end
me duele el corazón.
I'm guessing from this piece that you are new to the Spanish language. I've been speaking it for seven years and I still have a lot to learn. One of the best things about writing in spanish is that the language is much more fluid, and you can rhyme a lot easier, so I suggest adding some more assonance and consonance to make the piece mnore tragically beautiful. Otherwise, I applaud your effort to use a foreign language!
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wow
very true.
BRAVO!
x.x.x
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Aw ;-;
"in my bedoorm is the bed where
you first showed your love for me
you said you'd never love another
Why do you lie to me
And why do I believe you
Just tell me if its over"
I love it, it is a very emotional piece, I did notice bedroom is misspelled, but anyway I love it I can feel the emotion pouring from this - GREAT write keep it up.
Let me know when it is completed, I'll comment further then, but I agree with what Vera Rich said - I'd prefer to comment completely when it is completed.
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I've only done a bit of Spanish so I can just about work out how it sounds, and it does sound quite nice. Obviously the translation ruins the effeect a bit, because nothing translates perfectly, but this is a really nice write. I like the repeated stanza at the start and end of the piece.
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It was very moving it a sad kinda way, but at the same time it was excellent. Great job. I can't wait to read the finished product.
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Tis finished!!
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Sorry... I would never venture to comment on a "work in progress" - at this stage only the author can really perceive how it should go, and it is far too easy for an outsider to ruin it by the wrong advice. If you are unsure how to proceed - put it away for a few months and then come back to it. I know this may seem hard, and that expressions of appreciation bolster one's confidence... But showing a poem around prematurely is like peeling back the protecting sepals around a bud - it simply destroys what would otherwise have been a beautiful and delicate flower.
And this looks like a "bud" that will become a very lovely "flower" - if you do not let other people handle it prematurely!
Even if you wish to check some point of Spanish grammar or idiom, I should strongly urge showing to the person you consult ONLY the relevant lines... not the whole thing. And, alas, Spanish is something I cannot help you with. I have translated one small book from Spanish (Carlos Sherman's Los puntos Cardinales) - but my knowledge for the language is really only a passive one and I was rather chary of accepting the commission for Los puntos cardinales - but the author and publisher were both VERY persuasive.
PLEASE do not feel obliged to "return the favour" by commenting on any of my poems. There is ABSOLUTELY NO NECESSITY to do so, Spend your time rather helping this very lovely "bud" to flower.
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This is very simple, and very nicely writtin. I quite enjoyed it, KP
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Pienso el pedazo que usted escribió es hermoso con el sentimiento. A veces la gente tiene intenciones buenas, luego pierde la vista del amor que ellos tienen. Hay muchos motivos por qué la gente se cae del amor. Las mentiras están en su propia mente debe impedir hacer daño a usted. Lo que ellos dejan de realizar es ellos hacen daño a usted regardless.
Espero que mi español esté bastante bien usted entiende lo que he dicho. ¡Muy agradable escriben! ¡Disfruté de ello!. La mejor de suerte a usted. La poesía es un gran modo de moverse por el dolor.
My English Translation:
I think the piece you wrote is beautiful with feeling. Sometimes people have good intentions, then lose sight of the love they have. There are many reasons why people fall out of love. The lies are in their own mind is to keep from hurting you. What they fail to realize is they hurt you regardless.
I hope my spanish is good enough you understand what I've said. Very nice write! I enjoyed it!. The best of luck to you. Poetry is a great way to move through pain.
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I did understand most of it, but its probably my fault about the buts I dobn't get,I'm a bit rusty!! Thanks for the comment!
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Easy to see why your heart is hurting, such a sad write- emotional and well written. Like to capitalize the I but it is your poem. Keep writing...
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I have now capitalised it and finished it!!
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wow i love it and i think it is rilly good!!
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Wow!! I think this is really good!! I can't wait to read the rest of it!!
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I finished it now!!
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en mi dormitorió es la cama dondé
tu primero mostró su amor por mi
You said you'd never love another
por que hacen tu me miente
Y por que hacen le creo
Just tell me if its over
mi amor mi corazón,
no tengo canciónes felices a cantar
me corazón duele"
Pretty good,especially ^thatpart.i just love spanish work.but even though this was said before,shouldn't the title be "Me Duele El Corazón"???'
-R.A.*
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It doesn't make sense to me at parts. For example, the title should be "Me Duele El Corazón", not what you have. Other parts:
Canciones is plural and therefore does not keep the accented O. (2nd line 3rd word)
Me corazón duele should be Me duele el corazón. (3rd line)
Well, this is how you have it:
"mi amor mi corazón,
no tengo canciónes felices a cantar
me corazón duele
en mi dormitorió es la cama dondé
tu primero mostró su amor por mi
You said you'd never love another
por que hacen tu me miente
Y por que hacen le creo
Just tell me if its over
mi amor mi corazón,
no tengo canciónes felices a cantar
me corazón duele"
This is how it should be:
"Mi amor, mi corazón,
No tengo canciones felices para cantar.
Me duele el corazón.
En mi dormitorio (or recámara, cuarto) es la cama donde
Tú primero mostraste tu amor para mí.
Dijiste que nunca amarías otra/
¿Por qué me mientes?
Y ¿Porqué te creo?
Sólo díme que está terminó." -
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Thanks for that, and I recognise that some parts are un deniably grammatically incorrect, but I think some parts are okay it's just that there are so many variations of Spanish that it gets confusing, Lord knows it has confused me.
But thanks for your help!!
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they alll lie touchy bu i feel like u need to show more passion in there more suffering but it;s nice
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Here is the Line
You said you'd never love another=
Usted dijo que usted nunca adoraría otro
Just tell me if it is over=
Dígame apenas si su sobre
this is really touching -
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Thankyou for your help!!
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Bravissima!
I speak Italian, so I could understand most of the song... It seemed very soothing and sweet, a la Toni Braxton or Marc Anthony. Absolutely stunning, my friend, and very well done.
L. -
this is good... you made an error on line 4 but besides that this is a really good write..
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Even with my limited spanish, I could still kind of understand it. I really like this poem, its well written and I love the feeling in it.
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Wow I like it... I understood it in spanish which totally makes my day... lol... it threw me off with the two english lines in the spanish version though... other than that I felt this was heartfelt and deep... but could use metaphor... I still liked it a lot! Very nice very nice! Meg
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