Burgeoning jade deity soars into
the prismatic paradise, succinctly
a glorious bird of prey tears divinely
through an ambient cerulean gate
guided by its eyes, stricken with intent;
sweet omniscience the God within us all.
The cupidity contained in human hands,
may reap a copious harvest or ruin those same lands.
Surmise atomic mysteries, or belie human existence.
Grow the gardenia, awe in its beauty,
touch the lovely bloom, ruin its supreme hew.
The God within us all; to choose right is
to be ambrosial.
Author notes
This was incomplete, I added the second stanza, do you think its in line with the first and fits well?
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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really like the alliteration.......
Burgeoning jade deity soars into
the prismatic paradise, succinctly
a glorious bird of prey tears divinely
through an ambient cerulean gate
guided by its eyes, stricken with intent;
sweet omniscience the God within us all.
My niece's name is Jade, and I'm working on a poem that has that word in it. I never did get that personification poem finished. I had to suffer through kidney stones all last week. It's not where I want it to be, so I am going to hold back on it. The first stanza is great as a poem in itself, but the second stanza compliments it beautifully, in my opinion. It's art that will endure.
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Choice
I agree, the power graced to us by God to make our own choices, very dangerous, and yet, very promising. I liked this one. -
Yeah I didn't realize it was added in until I read the author notes, the flow is very good and I love how you used some alliterations.. I don't think it was purposely but it sounds awesome in the poem. Another outstanding write.
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I thought it fit very well. I didn't even read your author notes til after reading the whole poem. I was quite impressed. This poem was fairly easy to connect to and had some interesting ideas about people, nature, their connection to God. It seems as if we looked around us, even in us, evidence of God should come naturally to us. I especially enjoyed the last line and thought it was epiphonic.
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Thank you for answering my question, I will attempt to conclude it different, as for the sonnet bit, I've never written a true sonnet, they usually turn out boring and off when I try. I do very much appreciate your kind words too. Thanks!
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Marvelous
Another highly stimulating and thought-provoking poem, sean. You seem to be a wrestler of the spirit as well, and tackle some rather tricky and ambiguous subject matter with great skill. The second stanza seems to fit quite well, though I am not sure if it was concluded properly. To me, this seems perfect for a sonnet, which is divided into an octet and a sestet, with the sestet finalizing the poem, and expounding on what was put forth in the octet by means of a sort of introduction or scene setting.
David
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