Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Deadly Kiss

You were the one I didn’t think would make me unsure
But with every day that passes I feel this pain a little more
I watch the sunset and all I can taste in my mouth is regret
That I didn’t love you from the first moment we met

There is nothing left that I own that doesn’t do
The worse thing it could that is remind me of you
All the posters on my wall tell me that you may care
When deep down inside I know you will never be there

As I stand of the brink of my own damnation
I can see that my last and only salvation
Is trapped deep inside your deadly kiss
Day and night I pray that god will send the cure
But even he can’t make you stop this gore
As the answer is held inside your deadly kiss

The breath I cling onto is slowly turning sour
And I can feel it turning worse with each passing hour
You once said to me that love is the reason to breathe
If you truly believe that then why did you leave

I know you’re not cruel and I know you mean well
But I can’t take anymore this living hell
Without your face to make the darkness turn to light
Has condemned me to an eternal night

As I stand of the brink of my own damnation
I can see that my last and only salvation
Is trapped deep inside your deadly kiss
Day and night I pray that god will send the cure
But even he can’t make you stop this gore
As the answer is held inside your deadly kiss

Take care my love I hope that life treats you right
Tell the entire world that I put up a fight
Still I’m sorry I gave up but then why should I live
When wasted is all the love I have to give

As I stand of the brink of my own damnation
I can see that my last and only salvation
Is trapped deep inside your deadly kiss
Day and night I pray that god will send the cure
But even he can’t make you stop this gore
As the answer is held inside your deadly kiss

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • GypsyEyes
    November 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    "As I stand of the brink of my own damnation I can see that my last and only salvation" That line really stuck out to both of us and made this a great read. Continue writing and we both would like to see more from you in the future.


  • Danna Hobart
    October 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ****You have some good lines in here, but they are sort of buried under a lot of extra stuff, for example, instead of:

    The breath I cling onto is slowly turning sour
    And I can feel it turning worse with each passing hour

    ***try cutting the superfulous words:

    The breath I cling to slowly turns sour
    I feel it worse each passing hour


    ***making it present instead of past tense makes it more intense for the reader.


    Thanks for entering.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    July 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is amazing! Great rhyming in this piece, and your point got across very well! I loved the chorus, and I can say that I relate to this a lot! Keep it up, and good luck in my contest!