At the Old Place upon a weary sarsen
fallen sentinel of the forgotten past
memory-stone of ritual and purpose
fitfully lies Tess
She dreams the stone is in abandoned Bramshurst
and Angel’s coat beneath her head a pillow
thus neither temptation nor condemnation
breaks into her sleep
Roads walked in sunlight and further roads to go
away from blame and drawn on towards freedom
reward enough for her hardship and heartbreak
dreams inside her dreams
But sad and silent constables surround her
as dumb in duty as the cold standing-stones
and as hard as justice must be to the poor
there is no rest here
Great triliths have seen moonrise upon solstice
and can say nothing but that the years pass by
we see by the black flag at Wintoncester
some poor soul is hanged
In a list
A contest entry
- Stonehenge by ea.
425 points, ended July 26, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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liked the language - although do not know how many will comprehend that 'sarcen' was the sandstone used at stonehenge elsewhere or that a 'trilith' is basically two erect stones capped bty a transverse - NEVERTHELESS - you create a mystical/surreal scene the last stanza was very strong "...soul is hanged" is a great ending glad tat you used no fake ING GERUNDS to set this scene rhanks for sharing regards zaj
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I have no qualms about using a few arcane words from time to time, y'know. I like the fact that you feel it works on the mystical/surreal level too - it could simply be taken as re-telling part of the action from the end of Hardy's "Tess of the Durbevilles"...
... and there's a time and a place for gerunds. This wasn't it.
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The scene is visited by the words you have given it and I can see her on the altar at Stonehenge.
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Yes, I am taken by that last stanza as well and just the language in general -- I had such a sense of this coming from someone who knows the country. Wonderful. Very effective -- it's one of your Sapphics, I just realized! Bravo!
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Thank you very much. I think I know the book rather than the country. I have not been Much in Hardy's "Wessex" but have read his works. Bramshurst and Wintoncester are fictional (though the latter is obviously Winchester), but Tess's capture at Stonehenge is a scene that has always haunted me.
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I appreciate the structure you choose to base your lines upon. A design that reflects a skilled poet. Thank you for the good work.
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Many thanks. I love this 11-11-11-5 structure. It is loosely based on the Sapphic form, but I leave it free enough so that it is not shackled to a particular rhythm, except that which is suggested by the length of each line. I'm glad you like it. It gives me immense pleasure to use this structure and pull off a half-decent poem
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Beautiful as always with that lovely melody that is present in most of your work.
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Thank you Bazza. It's based on an incident from Thomas Hardy's "Tess of the D'Urbervilles", which popped into my mind as soon as I saw the subject-matter of the contest. About all I am doing on AP at the moment is running off entries for ea's contests. Glad you like it.
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Beautiful final stanza. It left me feeling haunted, but magically so. I hope you do very well in this contest, and if this piece is anything to judge by, I have no doubts you will.
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Your comments and applause are a great compliment
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