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Sooner

        Walls high,

        thoughts deep,

        salt stings

        as fear

        washes

        my mind.

        Blank.

        Nothing/nada

        zero/zilch,

        clear mind

        clean sheet

        clean sweep.

        Wrapped rope

        neck noose

        swift kick,

        chair gone.

        Bang.

        How did it come to this?

        I watch the people,

        futile screams;

        my life

        my death.

        Tears of sorrow,

        washing clichés

        down the human drain,

        dissecting my life;

        like an unlucky frog

        on a school science slab

        How dare you?

        Don’t cry for me

        upon my death,

        for all the things

        you never said,

        when you know you

        should have said them,

        sooner.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • between slices
    August 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    *cringes*
    ah.. i can sure feel the scintillating hurt, anger and anguish... like ripples crashing against walls and returning with heavier force and sent back with even more..
    i really like the way you've composed these lines:
    "I watch the people,
    futile screams;
    my life
    my death."

    it shows how similar both her life and death was..
    ungh..


  • Floorboards
    July 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Yikes, very dark jan, great write, i'll not comment on the brackets this time, hehe,
    well done and good luck!
    Alex. snoggles.


  • no-longer-a-member-
    July 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting... very unlike all of the other dark poems I've read by poets on this site... there's something about this that sticks inside my mind...

    a wonderful scribe, I wish you the best of luck in the contest


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    July 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was one of the best writes I've read on a long time. it's hard to find a poem about anguish, these days, without it sounding cliche. Yours didn't at all. Great flow and the imagery was amazing. I could feel every emotion Great job, and good luck in the contest
    Jeanette*~


  • leo2
    July 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I used to never contemplate such things much less respond to them here on AP but nowadays I'm starting to see the merits of the message. I like the "How dare you?" That kind of defiance in the face of one's own dilema is admirable to say the least and sort of like saying..... "Stop the world I want to get off". I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long
    ps. " " What is the significance of this line? Just curious.


    • sarajaneUK
      July 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the fab comment Leo, much appreciated, don't think it will do well in this contest for sure!! Regarding the "" I don't actually see any of these on my screen...so i dunno!! sj


  • Girl With Guitar silver member
    July 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You may just want to have a look see over this again. There's something funky going on
    " " This is repeated several times and I have no clue what that is all about!! That's never happened in my life before lol.

    These lines are the best part of this poem, actually to be truthful they're the only parts I enjoyed.
    " Don’t cry for me

    upon my death,

    for all the things

    you never said,"

    Thanks for the entry,
    Bandaid.

  • Bad Bill
    July 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Powerful piece of writing, my poetic friend. Fierce and full of impact.

    Bill

1 - 8 of 8